Logliner
Posted: 2018-01-28T02:08:59+10:00 In:

Inspite of being a professional and personal failure, Sangha is optimist in life but one thing he can?t afford to risk is his innocent lie he told his son that he is a superhero.

Inspite of being a professional and personal failure, Sangha is optimist in life but one thing he can?t afford to risk is his innocent lie he told his son that he is a superhero.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      I don’t know where to begin. Recommend checking out the formula on this site and reading some real loglines.

      You need to examine your story and then start over, unfortunately.

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    2. Singularity

      I believe the story has promise, I am not sold on the loglne.

      The logline example you gave to Foxtrot would be a better starting point,? however, you should give us a quick reason on why he doesn’t just go to the police.
      —–
      “After no one believes his six-year-old son has been kidnapped, a determined optimist, who has failed at life, dons his make-believe superhero outfit in order to take down the bad guys and save his kid.”

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    3. Singularity

      Richiev is spot on.

      The logline needs to state a specific inciting incident that forces him to step up and become a real hero instead of a fake one.

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    4. Singularity

      Agreed with most of the above comments. He shouldn’t be willing to risk the lives of his children just to perpetuate the lie he told them, yet at the same time, he needs a good inciting incident to motivate him to keep up the lie. Is there another version of the story in which he can’t tell the police? Perhaps the bad guys threatened to hurt the kids if he notifies the authorities.

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