(which wasn’t their objective)
so,
the patient–terminally ill from leukemia–volunteered for a possible cure
it didn’t work
(an unimportant detail:
Ice fish genetic engineering, for being able to survive without haemoglobin)
now the scientist must warn his colleagues, without having an idea, that one of them is the antagonist
backstory: the test subject was responsible for the accidental death of antagonist’s loved one
after which (event) he decided to give him “a never ending pain”
The undead is in a state of “eternal pain”
and unable to kill himself
(another unimportant detail:
because of the hydra genetics, engineered by our antagonist…whenever the undead decides to kill himself–for instance from a fall of a 10 storey building–he splits into three and his pain triples! – unless he reattaches himself)
“What are the undead strengths? what is he capable of doing?” will determine the initial conflict
The undead’s goal is to kill the research team
His dramatic need is to die peacefully
The bad scientist’s goal is to make the subject suffer
His dramatic need is to accept the reality
The good scientist’s goal is to save himself and his innocent colleagues
I am stuck at his dramatic need, maybe that’ll surface later when i begin to write..
“When he’s brought back to life in excruciating pain, a hungry zombie seeks revenge on the scientists who?revived him vowing not to stop until he’s dead again or has eaten all their brains.”
What will the scientist have to do as a result of the test subject waking up? That is his goal and needs to be described in the logline.
More to the point, the test subject needs to be described in such a way that he or it becomes a clear obstacle for the scientist, otherwise it’s not clear how the story will present a challenge for the MC.
The protagonist’s goal must be mentioned in the logline itself (not the description).
So the undead is not the antagonist? It’s the ‘bad scientist’ that’s the antagonist? Reading the logline I thought it was the undead subject, but on reading your description I’m not so sure anymore. The antagonist should be clearly mentioned.
Other than that it sounds really good! I can see a lot of potential in this one, maybe a weak and timid protagonist who’s terrified of the undead, but still wants to do the right thing. Plenty of food for conflict here!