“Broken Nights”
Henry, a pool hustler from the lower east side of New York City, marries an illegal immigrant for money to pay his debts. This choice takes them both down an unprecedented journey of self- discovery.
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The initial concept sounds good and as if it could be done reasonably cheaply also. You could make it a little tighter and possibly give more of an idea of the goal of Henry, as well as how the story progresses
Try to keep it to one sentence. Don’t use names, keep it vague, we don’t want to connect to these characters yet.
The last sentence is too vague, it doesn’t give us any sense of where the story is going to go. Get more specific there, what are the stakes? Why do we care that they married? What could they learn on the journey?
Where is the conflict here? Does Henry’s parents not like immigrants? Does their marriage fail?
It sounds to me like the story is about Henry, marrying someone for their money and then having to keep her happy in order to get said money. So, maybe touch on what his debts on (loan sharks? mafia? What happens if he doesn’t pay this debt?)
The big thing is the conflict, right now you have none. Up the conflict level and you’ve got a great concept.
“A racist New York pool hustler struggles to woo a wealthy immigrant woman in order to pay down his debts before he ends up under the Brooklyn bridge.” That’s the romcom/dramedy version of it, but you get the idea. Stakes, conflict… a racist with an immigrant? He’s trying to play her, but she’s after love? Plenty of good scenes to be had there.