Revision: Trapped into a lease with his ex-wife, a depressed writer must navigate the intricacies of single life, but when he falls for his married boss, life gets so much more complicated.
obie1jonobiLogliner
Revision: Trapped into a lease with his ex-wife, a depressed writer must navigate the intricacies of single life, but when he falls for his married boss, life gets so much more complicated.
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Like the sound of this but I think some clarification might be required. I take it he’s forced to continue living with his ex-wife? Does the writer’s boss fall for him too? If not then I’m not sure how much more complicated his life is. I think there needs to be a clearly defined goal – get back with his ex-wife or get together with his boss or similar. Where is the focus of the story – on his relationship with his ex-wife? on him navigating single life? or on the married boss? I am 100% not an expert on all this but at the moment I don’t understand what I’m rooting for him to do at the moment.
Like your last attempt, the premise is interesting. However, after the set-up of being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife, the rest of your story goes off in a different direction.
You have such a strong setup, the story should be about being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife. That’s your hook.
I loved knightrider’s take on a previous version:
When offered a publishing deal for his guide to a successful marriage book, a struggling writer must convinces his ex to pretend to be his wife for a year while he finishes and publishes his book.
ha!!
Otherwise “navigating the intricacies of single life” seems vague & needs to be translated into a certain objective visual goal
The logline gives the protagonist a problem and a major complication but it fails to give him a dramatic objective goal.
Given the problem, given the complication what must he do?? What becomes his objective goal?