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Zac SteinPenpusher
Posted: July 27, 20182018-07-27T07:45:55+10:00 2018-07-27T07:45:55+10:00In: Horror

Stephanie has just fallen in with the bad crowd at school. When her new slacker friends start dying in horrific ?accidents,? Stephanie is only one who thinks there is a connection. She must figure it out before it?s too late, but what if this is all for her own good?

Stephanie has just fallen in with the bad crowd at school. When her new slacker friends start dying in horrific ?accidents,? Stephanie is only one who thinks there is a connection. She must figure it out before it?s too late, but what if this is all for her own good?
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    5 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2018-07-27T07:53:26+10:00Added an answer on July 27, 2018 at 7:53 am

      A connection between what?? Between the accidents and her falling in with the slackers.? Or between the accidents and the character/life style of her friends — their character flaw?? IOW;? what is the inciting incident, the cue ball that breaks the rack, sets the plot in play?

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2018-07-27T09:07:48+10:00Added an answer on July 27, 2018 at 9:07 am

      “When two of her new slacker friends?are killed in freak accidents, a former straight-A student begins to suspect foul play and vows to get to the bottom of the mystery when the police refuse to believe they were murdered.”

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-07-27T11:59:05+10:00Added an answer on July 27, 2018 at 11:59 am

      No need to name the MC as it’s better to describe her. What’s her major flaw?

      As DPG pointed out, the inciting incident isn’t clear. What one event motivates her to take action?

      Lastly, “…must figure it out…” is a weak goal. Wouldn’t it be far more compelling to see her stop the murders?

      Check out the ‘Formula’ tab for more information on how to construct a logline.

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    4. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2018-07-27T17:04:26+10:00Added an answer on July 27, 2018 at 5:04 pm

      Agree with all previous comments.

      As Nir pointed out, you don’t need to include names. It’s more important to give her a defining characteristic. This is usually something that forms the basis for her character arc – if you described her as depressed then by the end of the film she finds happiness.

      Imagine someone “figuring out” something on screen. Chances are it would be a very small, very subtle bit of acting. That’s it. So make the goal something bigger. As Nir said – it should be to stop the murders but you can suggest that there’s a mystery involved – “she must follow the clues to unmask the killer before somebody else dies”.

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    5. Zac Stein Penpusher
      2018-07-30T11:13:22+10:00Added an answer on July 30, 2018 at 11:13 am

      Thanks everyone,
      This feedback is super helpful. I will rework it.

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