On her journey to San Antonio to join her father, a young illegal immigrant works on a farm in South Texas where workers keep disappearing as the avocado trees flourish.
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On her journey to San Antonio to join her father, a young illegal immigrant works on a farm in South Texas where workers keep disappearing as the avocado trees flourish.
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Is she trapped in the farm? If it?s thriller, she can?t have the option to simply walk away from an unpleasant job.
Also, the flourishing avocados is a poetic image, but it takes space. Unless? is it a hint of a connection with the workers’ disappearances? Does the farmer feed the disappearing workers to some mutant avocado trees?
Finally, I would expect her father?s backstory to have some connection to the thriller?s Big Conspiracy.
How about something like:
When her coworkers in a temp South Texas farm job start disappearing, a young illegal immigrant must find [Big Conspiracy hint] in order to find and save her estranged father.
As giannisggerogiou inquired.? Why doesn’t she do the sane and obvious thing and flee? If she’s on her way to join her father, why did she stop to harvest avocados anyway?? Why does she need to pick avocados??
What becomes her objective goal as a result of the situation??
You have described a situation not a story.
As dpg?has suggested, what does the situation prompt the lead character to do.
Great notes made above.
I’ll only add that it could help if you had a clearer inciting event, which would give you a good starting point for the story. Could it be that her father suddenly disappeared and that made her need to find him?
I agree with some of the other comments here. I love that protagonist is a female illegal immigrant. That really puts her at a disadvantage starting out, and the odds are against her. Stick with that as your main character. It makes sense to me that she should be going to the farm because she just crossed illegally, and is looking for work. If her father works there, and she believes he can help her get a job, her motivation would make sense. To me, the inciting incident should be that when she arrives at the farm her father has vanished under mysterious circumstances. ?Also odd, as he was expecting her and wouldn’t just leave. The plot line would then make sense as to why she isn’t simply fleeing. She’s searching for her missing father and trying to uncover this mystery of the disappearing workers. I like your set up, and would love to see this written!