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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Or this: When a naive American teen is kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, she must use his brutal methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Hmmm...The protagonist of the story is the girl, so it's important (to me, at least) that she be the focus of the logline. Here's a more simplified version: When a naive American teen is kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord,…
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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
I greatly appreciate your attention to and insights into this logline! She is not so much timid as naïve -- ie, not fully formed yet, inexperienced, though with an incipient toughness. How’s this: When a naive American teen is kidnapped…
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A tragic accident drives a Nobel laureate neuroscientist to resurrect his wife with his revolutionary mind uploading and artificial brain technologies, only for her to become a robotic killer endangering everyone including their children.
This is clear and sounds like a very intriguing script. The only thing that staggered me, and which I'd suggest deleting, is "mind uploading and artificial." So you'd be left with: A tragic accident drives a Nobel laureate neuroscientist to…
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Three reckless, wealthy American playboys who treat women as disposable thrills embark on another hedonistic night abroad—only to cross paths with a mysterious girl and her friend who turn the tables, dragging them into a terrifying game where their darkest habits become their worst nightmare.
Intriguing, but at 46 words, it runs a bit long. Could be shortened, something like: Three wealthy American playboys who treat women as disposable thrills cross paths with two girls who turn their darkest habits into their worst nightmare.
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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Thanks, that is gerat and is sure bare bones. I would just like to add the word "sheltered," to highlight her changing arc from beginning to end. Also, thinking about adding "she discovers a shocking family secret" to distinguish it…
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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Thank you for your thoughtful assessment. Either of these any better? When a sheltered American teen is kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord and groomed to become his bride, she discovers he was her late mother's secret lover and uses…
