Best reviews

478

  1. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on I, Little Bunny Foo Foo, incorrectly branded a monster by folklore, beat the fucking shit out of the Easter Bunny, the true candy-coated dick who uses colorful plastic eggs to prey on unsuspecting children during the holiday. ★ Best

    Okay, I enjoy dark comedy and this one is 'out there.' I assume animated? Half the logline is dedicated to the Easter Bunny. "Beats the shit out of" (should be beats; not beat) and the movie is over? Is this a short film? Perhaps something…

  2. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on An immigrant father seeks redemption through connecting with his estranged son while trying to keep his house and career intact. ★ Best

    The logline is concise, but it would benefit from more specificity. Like a defining characteristic for the immigrant father and son that distinguishes them from all the other stories about immigrant parents dealing with alienated children. And a concrete, objective goal. In the context of…

  3. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on Feeling trapped between student debt, his mother’s hospital bills, and the ever-increasing demands of his girlfriend. Faust Boris, a desperate university student decides to make a deal with Cross, the owner of a mysterious pawn shop to put his afterlife to bargain in return for money. ★ Best

    It seems to me this logline can be distilled down to: A college graduate pawns his soul to the devil for enough money to pay off crushing student loan debts and meet urgent financial obligations. (25 words) A variant of the Faustian bargain plot trope.…

  4. Neer Shelter · Script Doctor · 40,115 pts on When his liquor licence is stripped due to unpaid bills, a neurotic publican must win the local fishing competition’s cash prize, but when he realises he is competing against his abusive father, he must control his manic behaviour to out-fish him and save the pub he calls home. ★ Best

    The logline depicts a small English town vibe dotted with eccentric characters, the likes of which one would expect in The Full Monty. So, it's definitely achieving its objective on the tone front. On the plot side, the logline describes a main story to save…

  5. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on When the sole survivor of a destroyed lifeboat is pulled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he is plunged into further chaos as the crew begins to abandon the doomed passengers of the SS Arctic. ★ Best

    Since your story is based upon an historical event, I suggest that the logline should include the date. I couldn't make sense of this version of your logline until I discovered from some online research that the precipitating event for the tragedy was a *collision*…

  6. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on When he discovers a magical casino that duplicates any item he gambles, a blacklisted money mule must exploit it to extend an experimental medicine supply for his daughter awaiting a lung transplant, but when the hospital fails to find a suitable donor, he must gamble his daughter to save her life. ★ Best

    An interesting premise. But does the plot premise have to entail magic? Could it be realistic, like he wins because he's a card counter. And he's got to do it on the down low, win small amounts over time. Because if the casinos suspect he…

  7. Griffyn · Mentor · 681 pts on When an unhappy couple’s argument causes the man to storm out, he orders a service to resolve the fight on his behalf, unaware that a doppelganger is stealing his relationship in the process. ★ Best

    A couple arguing could imply that they're unhappy, rather than stating it twice. The first half is from the couples POV and the second half is from the man's POV. Consider picking one POV to make it read more consistently. Generally 1 POV is ideal…

  8. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on After witnessing a deadly incident engineered by a powerful marshal, Raymond—an ex‑soldier—goes on the run to clear his name and expose the conspiracy, using his combat skills to fight back before the plot destabilizes the Expo-Event ★ Best

    So... what's the plot? That he's a threat is a static statement. Loglines should be *dynamic* statements. PROtagonists need to be PROactive. I pose a threat to a dandelion I see in my yard. What's my course of action? What specifically am I going to…

  9. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. ★ Best

    Would you please clarify "socially deprived". Is he a socially awkward introvert/recluse? Or is he deprived because he lives in an isolated location. Or,,,? And does he do more than just film his personal investigation? Does he post it online, at a social networking site…

  10. Karel Segers · Maestro · 2,890 pts on Logline: After killing each other in a muddy ravine on Guadalcanal, a Japanese soldier and an American Marine awaken as unwillingly tethered ghosts and spend decades protecting the grandson born from their families’ impossible union—bickering across wars, cultures, and generations as they search for redemption and peace. Genre: Primary: Historical Fantasy Drama Secondary: War Drama / Supernatural Family Saga ★ Best

    This is a fresh and highly dramatic premise. Excellent! The two protagonists makes it complex, but not impossible. The structure works: two protagonists, a catalyst, an action, a conflict, a theme. But "unwillingly tethered" is a little clunky as an adverb-plus-adjective pair; "tethered against their…