Best reviews

480

  1. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on When a curse puts all witches into an enchanted sleep, a young cursed witch receives a magical pendant that protects her, forming an alliance with a mysterious stranger. Together, they embark on a journey in search of the power of the stars, capable of breaking the spell. ★ Best

    Let me try to unpack and sort out the logline elements: "...enchanted sleep". Enchanted connotes a capacity to charm, to allure, to attract, to captivate in terms of attention and desire. What is so charming, or alluring about being reduced to a state of permanent…

  2. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on When a flight from NY to LA is high jacked, a new US Marshal must take down a terrorist before he crashes an airplane into a sports arena. ★ Best

    Fairly straight forward. Might use the word "rookie" rather than "new" to describe the marshal. Might also add a ticking clock element to the logline to escalate the sense of urgency; that is, how many minutes he has to foil the terrorist's plan. Obviously, the…

  3. Stephen · Mentor · 763 pts on I, Little Bunny Foo Foo, incorrectly branded a monster by folklore, beat the fucking shit out of the Easter Bunny, the true candy-coated dick who uses colorful plastic eggs to prey on unsuspecting children during the holiday. ★ Best

    Okay, I enjoy dark comedy and this one is 'out there.' I assume animated? Half the logline is dedicated to the Easter Bunny. "Beats the shit out of" (should be beats; not beat) and the movie is over? Is this a short film? Perhaps something…

  4. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on An immigrant father seeks redemption through connecting with his estranged son while trying to keep his house and career intact. ★ Best

    The logline is concise, but it would benefit from more specificity. Like a defining characteristic for the immigrant father and son that distinguishes them from all the other stories about immigrant parents dealing with alienated children. And a concrete, objective goal. In the context of…

  5. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on Feeling trapped between student debt, his mother’s hospital bills, and the ever-increasing demands of his girlfriend. Faust Boris, a desperate university student decides to make a deal with Cross, the owner of a mysterious pawn shop to put his afterlife to bargain in return for money. ★ Best

    It seems to me this logline can be distilled down to: A college graduate pawns his soul to the devil for enough money to pay off crushing student loan debts and meet urgent financial obligations. (25 words) A variant of the Faustian bargain plot trope.…

  6. Neer Shelter · Script Doctor · 40,115 pts on When his liquor licence is stripped due to unpaid bills, a neurotic publican must win the local fishing competition’s cash prize, but when he realises he is competing against his abusive father, he must control his manic behaviour to out-fish him and save the pub he calls home. ★ Best

    The logline depicts a small English town vibe dotted with eccentric characters, the likes of which one would expect in The Full Monty. So, it's definitely achieving its objective on the tone front. On the plot side, the logline describes a main story to save…

  7. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on When the sole survivor of a destroyed lifeboat is pulled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he is plunged into further chaos as the crew begins to abandon the doomed passengers of the SS Arctic. ★ Best

    Since your story is based upon an historical event, I suggest that the logline should include the date. I couldn't make sense of this version of your logline until I discovered from some online research that the precipitating event for the tragedy was a *collision*…

  8. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on When he discovers a magical casino that duplicates any item he gambles, a blacklisted money mule must exploit it to extend an experimental medicine supply for his daughter awaiting a lung transplant, but when the hospital fails to find a suitable donor, he must gamble his daughter to save her life. ★ Best

    An interesting premise. But does the plot premise have to entail magic? Could it be realistic, like he wins because he's a card counter. And he's got to do it on the down low, win small amounts over time. Because if the casinos suspect he…

  9. Griffyn · Mentor · 761 pts on When an unhappy couple’s argument causes the man to storm out, he orders a service to resolve the fight on his behalf, unaware that a doppelganger is stealing his relationship in the process. ★ Best

    A couple arguing could imply that they're unhappy, rather than stating it twice. The first half is from the couples POV and the second half is from the man's POV. Consider picking one POV to make it read more consistently. Generally 1 POV is ideal…

  10. dogger · Oracle · 88,600 pts on After witnessing a deadly incident engineered by a powerful marshal, Raymond—an ex‑soldier—goes on the run to clear his name and expose the conspiracy, using his combat skills to fight back before the plot destabilizes the Expo-Event ★ Best

    So... what's the plot? That he's a threat is a static statement. Loglines should be *dynamic* statements. PROtagonists need to be PROactive. I pose a threat to a dandelion I see in my yard. What's my course of action? What specifically am I going to…