When the sole survivor of a destroyed lifeboat is pulled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he is plunged into further chaos as the crew begins to abandon the doomed passengers of the SS Arctic.

by Garrett · Logliner · 64 pts 57 views

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Though this logline is written from a single perspective, this story follows a few different character perspectives aboard the sinking ship. I couldn’t find an elegant way to describe the story from more than one perspective, so I’ve described it from a perspective that has an element of irony to it. (That irony being that this character has survived one boat disaster and is now facing another bigger one.)

The to-be screenplay is based on the true events of the 1854 sinking of the SS Arctic.

6 reviews

dogger · Oracle · 87,710 pts ★ Accepted

Strengths Filmable incident Stakes and urgency

Needs work Clear, difficult goal

Since your story is based upon an historical event, I suggest that the logline should include the date.

I couldn't make sense of this version of your logline until I discovered from some online research that the precipitating event for the tragedy was a *collision* of two vessels. So, I suggest that detail should be incorporated in the logline.

As for telling a story from multiple points of view, well, that's tricky. James Cameron, who knows a thing or three about plotting, incorporated multiple points of view in his movie, Titanic.

But all of them hung on one plot spine, the love story between Rose and Jack. The relationship between those two characters is the primary focus of the movie. And a logline should be about the plot spine, the primary focus of the story.

One possible plot spine might be what his objective goal became after the crew abandoned the passengers. That appears to have been why the sinking was not just a tragedy, but a scandal. (Just as in the sinking of the Titanic, a major scandal was that the ship was not equipped with enough lifeboats.)

And like it or not, your script will be compared with the sinking of the Titanic. So, what is the unique selling point that distinguishes this tragedy from the tragedy of that befell the passengers on the Titanic?

Anyway, it's an interesting project. Very best wishes!

Griffyn · Showrunner · 675 pts

Strengths Well-defined POV Stakes and urgency

Needs work Active protagonist Action, not decision

What does it mean by "the crew begins to abandon the doomed passengers of the SS arctic". I thought he was pulled aboard the luxury liner? Also, wasn't he the sole surviver (unless your talking about the lifeboat as it's own seperate incident)? Are they now sailing away and leaving other survivors to die? The main thing I'm trying to say is that more clarity would be beneficial here.

"He is plunged into further chaos" is vague as a description of our protagonist's environment, what chaotic things are happening as they abandon them? It is a good mid point reversal for the luxury liner to abandon the SS Arctic (if that is what's happening) but we need to see his action response to this! What must our hero do to save the day? Or what must he do when facing an impossible task, which is how this situation is described, because our protagonist can't do nothing.

In summary, we need more clarity and we need our character's action in response to the events around him.

Garrett · Logliner · 64 pts

It's a bit complicated, the whole logline needs restructuring from the ground up. This logline is based on a historical event in 1854 when a French and an American steamship collided in heavy fog which lead to the sinking of the American SS Arctic. This particular character left the French SS Vesta with 11 others and tried to board the SS Arctic via a lifeboat (as that American ship appeared to be in better condition).

Unkbeknownst to the French, the SS Artic was holed beneath the waterline and was slowly sinking. Just as the French lifeboat was alongside the ship, the SS Arctic begun to make a hopeless dash for land. The lifeboat was churned up by the enormous paddlewheel, and only this character survived as jumped clear and was hauled onto the fleeing Arctic by rope.

This character's ironic position is that he left the Steamship that stayed afloat and was the only person in the entire tragedy to swap for the sinking American ship. Upon boarding the doomed ship the crew and most able-bodied passengers soon go into chaos as they begin saving themselves from the doomed ship. This French character later cannot overcome the chaos and he goes down with the ship.

Somehow this particular character not only survived his lifeboat being obliterated, as he was also amongst the survivors of the sinking of the SS Arctic. This particular instance of unlikely survival was what made me interested in adapting this into a screenplay.

Moving on. It's not perfect, but I've got an alternate logline that might be slightly more readable, (however without context it is still very hard to boil down the larger idea of this character's unique position in this rather obscure historical sinking):

"When the sole survivor of a destroyed French lifeboat is hauled aboard a sinking American luxury liner, he must help prepare his saviours to go down with the ship after the mutinous crew hijack all of the remaining lifeboats."

This logline doesn't include the actual inciting incident which is the collision of the two steamships, hence why this needs restructuring in the future.

Logline Medic · Logliner · 90 pts

Strengths Filmable incident Stakes and urgency Causality and coherence

Needs work Clear, difficult goal

Lots to love here! A specific character, an event that forces the story, no filler or hedging. But 'Plunged into further chaos' is a feeling/situation, not an action. Nothing he wants or does is stated: no pursuit, no endpoint. Antagonist is unnamed—crew abandoning ship is an event, not an opposing force with agency.
I like the irony: he's rescued onto a sinking ship, keeping the survival stakes alive.
You still need a concrete goal (save passengers, secure a lifeboat, expose the crew) and preferably a named antagonist to oppose it.

Here's a bad version, addressing the lack of specificity:

"When the sole survivor of a shattered lifeboat is hauled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he must fight the ship's mutinous officers to force open the last lifeboats before the vessel drags every remaining passenger under."

I understand this is the beginning of the development of the story. Hopefully this feedback helps you focus further brainstorming.

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