Reviews

37,694

  1. Mariola · Logliner · 129 pts on Louise, a 16-year-old serious girl who thinks she’s not able to love someone, and Elisa, a sensitive girl her age, becomes friends after starting high school. Elise starts her first romantic relationship with Lauren, a pesimistic girl who emotionally depends on her. Suddently, Louise falls in love with Elisa after seeing how she treats her girlfriend.

    NOTE: Louise has just got over a "relationship" with a emotionally ausent guy that didn't know if he is ready to love someone. Elisa comes from a family that has always forced her to take care of her young sibling, making her feels she has…

  2. Mariola · Logliner · 129 pts on A timid nature photographer goes out into a forest to try to take some photos but then stumbles upon a murder. They are shocked and froze in place, almost getting caught but then takes photos of the attacker and the victim to report it to the police. But later finds out that the murder was the person they are reporting it to and they must make a choice. Either put themselves as witnessing a murder and putting a target on their back or finding a different officer to report it to

    I'd put the moment when the photographer discovers that the police officer -or whoever he/she is reporting to- is the murderer as a plot twist, not as a logline.

  3. Mariola · Logliner · 129 pts on When they find that the system they have been raised in does not care for them, eight kids from different classes and backgrounds fight to change what they think is a shifted system—with a little ancient help—or risk everyone they love and know being done dirty forever.

    I loved the idea of characters complaining about the world that surrounds them. But I'd like to know more details about the characters lives and way of thinking: are they lower-class? how do they know each other? why do they think the system doesn't work…

  4. dogger · Oracle · 88,490 pts on In a Spanish village in 1954, Julia (the protagonist) is set to marry Miguel (the son of a sergeant). However, on their wedding night, Miguel discovers that his new wife is not a virgin; consequently, Julia’s father decides to kill Gabriel, Julia’s former partner and current lover. Gabriel’s murder sends shockwaves through the village, forcing Julia to leave in the company of her mother—whom she hates.

    This could be read as a summation of the entire plot including the denouement; that is, she's forced into exile, doomed to live with a mother she hates. End of story, fade to black, roll the credits. But one of the rules for writing a…

  5. dogger · Oracle · 88,490 pts on A timid nature photographer goes out into a forest to try to take some photos but then stumbles upon a murder. They are shocked and froze in place, almost getting caught but then takes photos of the attacker and the victim to report it to the police. But later finds out that the murder was the person they are reporting it to and they must make a choice. Either put themselves as witnessing a murder and putting a target on their back or finding a different officer to report it to

    The logline presents an interesting situation. And an interesting situation is a vital ingredient for a compelling logline, one that makes the logline reader want to read the script. Although it is a necessary ingredient in an effective logline--it is not sufficient. An effective logline…

  6. Hugo · Logliner · 149 pts on When they find that the system they have been raised in does not care for them, eight kids from different classes and backgrounds fight to change what they think is a shifted system—with a little ancient help—or risk everyone they love and know being done dirty forever.

    I like it very much

  7. Hugo · Logliner · 149 pts on A timid nature photographer goes out into a forest to try to take some photos but then stumbles upon a murder. They are shocked and froze in place, almost getting caught but then takes photos of the attacker and the victim to report it to the police. But later finds out that the murder was the person they are reporting it to and they must make a choice. Either put themselves as witnessing a murder and putting a target on their back or finding a different officer to report it to

    very long, but cool.

  8. Griffyn · Mentor · 761 pts on A mixed-race young girl (half spanish, half senegalaise) builds her own identity after being raised up by two parents with extremely different cultures.

    This is a strong theme and something definitely worth exploring. Looking at the second draft of the logline in the comments, it mentions her parents "have other plans for her". In a logline we want specific visual events that an audience can picture. When you…

  9. Griffyn · Mentor · 761 pts on Four scientists review the calculations for a devastating weapon, while the team leader, Pascual, begins to question even his own reality.

    The logline in its current state is unclear. We lack the relevant information to understand why reviewing calculations for this weapon relates to him questioning his own reality. What happens in this story? Does anything happen when they're testing this weapon to cause him to…

  10. dogger · Oracle · 88,490 pts on Four scientists review the calculations for a devastating weapon, while the team leader, Pascual, begins to question even his own reality.

    The logline lacks causality and coherence. What is the causal connection between the weapon and the main character's questioning of reality? Also, the main character has no objective goal; there is no indication of a plot.