Reviews

37,674

  1. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on When a masked killer murders the son of a Mayor, Batman is called to investigate.

    Not in public domain. Description sounds generic.

  2. Jay · Initiate · 26 pts on Oh Goddess After his alpha friend turns alpha fiend and psycho-tortures him into the abyss, a wannabe hero’s new revelation and divine intervention rekindle his forgotten mission to replace religion.

    Oh, Goddess When online haters call for his institutionalization, a tortured man claiming to be the New Age Messiah must convince a state ordered psychiatrist he’s not crazy.

  3. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on Oh Goddess After his alpha friend turns alpha fiend and psycho-tortures him into the abyss, a wannabe hero’s new revelation and divine intervention rekindle his forgotten mission to replace religion.

    >> alpha friend turns alpha fiend. I like that; I think it works. But... >>>the abyss Huh? Movies are a visual medium, so key elements in a logline must be concrete. That is, they must translate into visible objects and/or action on the screen. I…

  4. Logline Medic · Logliner · 150 pts on Oh Goddess After his alpha friend turns alpha fiend and psycho-tortures him into the abyss, a wannabe hero’s new revelation and divine intervention rekindle his forgotten mission to replace religion.

    Hi Jay, My brain just exploded. But I'm not sure that was your intention. The wordplay ('alpha friend turns alpha fiend') is cute but replaces real specificity — 'wannabe hero' and 'alpha fiend' are generic labels, not concrete character details. 'Replace religion' is too abstract…

  5. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on I, Little Bunny Foo Foo, incorrectly branded a monster by folklore, beat the fucking shit out of the Easter Bunny, the true candy-coated dick who uses colorful plastic eggs to prey on unsuspecting children during the holiday.

    An interesting character in search of a plot.

  6. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on I, Little Bunny Foo Foo, incorrectly branded a monster by folklore, beat the fucking shit out of the Easter Bunny, the true candy-coated dick who uses colorful plastic eggs to prey on unsuspecting children during the holiday. ★ Best

    Okay, I enjoy dark comedy and this one is 'out there.' I assume animated? Half the logline is dedicated to the Easter Bunny. "Beats the shit out of" (should be beats; not beat) and the movie is over? Is this a short film? Perhaps something…

  7. dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts on An immigrant father seeks redemption through connecting with his estranged son while trying to keep his house and career intact. ★ Best

    The logline is concise, but it would benefit from more specificity. Like a defining characteristic for the immigrant father and son that distinguishes them from all the other stories about immigrant parents dealing with alienated children. And a concrete, objective goal. In the context of…

  8. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on When elderly Martha discovers a murder scene next door, she decides not to report it but instead get to the bottom of it herself. She could not have predicted the series of events that would soon unfold and turn her own world upside down.

    Proper names are usually not used in loglines (unless you are writing about a famous person). So ax the Martha and instead pick a characteristic (flaw) that the story will bring to the surface/force her to evolve. One sentence is better than two, and your…

  9. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on When a flight attendant smuggles on a chainsaw and starts butchering passengers mid-flight, an aerophobe must bottle his panic to take down the killer and save his family on board.

    Tone of this? Horror or spoof? Smuggles on a chainsaw is so absurd it seems like a spoof (but... Snakes on a Plane was an odd mix of horror over the top that worked for audiences). But chainsaw is so large, loud, short span of…

  10. Stephen · Mentor · 583 pts on When his liquor licence is stripped due to unpaid bills, a neurotic publican must win the local fishing competition’s cash prize, but when he realises he is competing against his abusive father, he must control his manic behaviour to out-fish him and save the pub he calls home.

    Not sure what a "publican" is and likely too obscure a term for a logline. A fishing contest always seemed absurd to me, but I have concerns (knowing how dull fishing is) about what we would be watching. But I like these types of comedies…