Reviews

37,605

  1. songomarcel · Penpusher · 40 pts on After witnessing a deadly incident engineered by a powerful marshal, Raymond—an ex‑soldier—goes on the run to clear his name and expose the conspiracy, using his combat skills to fight back before the plot destabilizes the Expo-Event

    Absolutely right. That's a remarkable review..

  2. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on After witnessing a deadly incident engineered by a powerful marshal, Raymond—an ex‑soldier—goes on the run to clear his name and expose the conspiracy, using his combat skills to fight back before the plot destabilizes the Expo-Event ★ Best

    So... what's the plot? That he's a threat is a static statement. Loglines should be *dynamic* statements. PROtagonists need to be PROactive. I pose a threat to a dandelion I see in my yard. What's my course of action? What specifically am I going to…

  3. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on A river‑rescued girl with a forbidden Killerborn power must unite the fractured clans and kill a warlord corrupted by stolen magic before his rising reign destroys their world.

    "Killerborn"--I had to google the term. Still not sure what it means as a defining characteristic of your protagonist. OK, so stipulated that I'm clueless, out of touch with the vibe, current pop culture. But... are you certain that anyone and everyone who reads that…

  4. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. ★ Best

    Would you please clarify "socially deprived". Is he a socially awkward introvert/recluse? Or is he deprived because he lives in an isolated location. Or,,,? And does he do more than just film his personal investigation? Does he post it online, at a social networking site…

  5. Karel Segers · Mentor · 2,810 pts on A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case.

    A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. Great main character in that he has both a flaw and an obsessive drive. The major…

  6. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on Revised: Desperate to prove himself worthy of his civil rights activist wife, whom he crippled in an accident, George obsesses about the JFK promise, turning into a delusional quest to prevent assassination.

    My SOP is not to read plot summaries accompanying a logline. Why? Because the logline has to stand on its own. It must clearly and succinctly state who the protagonist is, the objective goal, the antagonist (or obstacle) and what's at stake. It must hook…

  7. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on To settle a blood-debt for their fallen friend, three former Marines are pulled into the operation of a corrupt Chicago detective—only to discover they are pawns in a clandestine Star Chamber’s purge, forcing a violent reckoning with the past that created them.

    >>> forcing a violent reckoning with the past that created them. What does that entail? That is, when they discover they are pawns in someone else's game, what exactly do they do about? What becomes *their* game plan? What becomes *their* concrete objective goal?

  8. Stosny · Penpusher · 140 pts on To pay off his debts, a former boxer addicted to gambling is coerced by his loan shark into carrying out an attack against a famous footballer just months before the World Cup.

    It's a good story but familiar. Can you incorporate a fresh angle?

  9. dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts on After an accident cripples the woman he loves, a guilt-ridden young man takes on America’s scars as his own, risking everything to change the course of history and earn the love she freely gives.

    >>>risking everything to change the course of history What does "change the course" of history *look* like on a movie screen? IOW: what is the specific, concrete, objective goal he wants to accomplish?

  10. Hallucigenia · Logliner · 315 pts on 1880s London: As an American assassin struggles with her dead father’s vengeful spirit, a mysterious cult attempts to brainwash her into killing Queen Victoria.

    I'm sorry, but that is the absolute worst critique and interpretation I have encountered.