After his neighbour criminal gets arrested, a jaded man takes the criminal’s young son to his home and must decide whether he will take him to an orphanage or keep taking care of him. (short film – p.s. my protagonist grew up in orphanage)
RuefulLogliner
After his neighbour criminal gets arrested, a jaded man takes the criminal’s young son to his home and must decide whether he will take him to an orphanage or keep taking care of him. (short film – p.s. my protagonist grew up in orphanage)
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But taking him to an orphanage is not upto him, technically. Also, tell us what becomes his goal (as a result of the inciting incident) rather than his decision to do something. Plot is what happens after he’s made his decision.
To set it in motion he decides to take care of him… Now you need something to prevent him from providing for the young guy. This could emerge from his character flaw, take for instance he’s a broke petty thief; now he must find a way to earn enough for both and change his ways, become responsible to ensure the young orphan does not follow his steps.
For a full length feature film, I would agree with variable; the plot is about what happens after the protagonist makes a decision, not about deciding to decide.? But in a shorter time, deciding to decide? might work.
The problem I have with this set up is I don’t see any credible dramatic tension.? Which is to say,? I don’t see? a valid dilemma.? A? valid dilemma is one where a character must choose between two equally appealing or equally unappealing options.? What is the credible and equally compelling counterargument to not taking in the kid?? Why wouldn’t the man take in the boy?
When and where does this story take place?
Orphanages don’t really exist in modern America.? We have a foster care system. However, if this story takes place in the 1800’s or a third world country then it should probably be stated in the logline.
Rueful
>>>my protagonist is lonely
A reason why he would decide to let the boy stay with him.
>>>the biggest reason he won?t take him in is that he grew up in orphanage himself
How so? I should think his own unhappy experience would motivate him to want to spare the boy of a similar experience.
So I don’t see a protagonist caught in the horns of a true dilemma.? So the outcome is not in doubt. So there is a deficit in dramatic tension to sustain audience interest.
variable:
>>> where ?deciding to decide? becomes the plot
My statement is premised on the assumption that the short film is the length of a 1st Act in a feature length film.? And at least half of the 1st Act of a feature film is about the protagonist deciding to decide, right?? So it seems to me that in theory “deciding to decide” might work in a logline for a short film.
In my canon, you can violate every rule about screenwriting save one: “Thou shalt not bore thine audience.” That is the greatest screenwriting and film making commandment. Breaking it is the unforgivable sin.? (Isn’t that’s the purpose of all the rules, paradigms, gimmicks and guidelines about screenwriting, to avoid committing the unforgivable sin?)
It seems to me that “deciding to decide” might work in a short film. But in a feature length film it would commit the unforgivable sin.
>>>making his economic situation real bad.
Yes, I can see how that might work.? A possible scenario:
Setup: The man has finally scrapped together enough money to avoid eviction that day.? He’s done so by going hungry.? He’s not only hungry but? hardened by a hard life has inured him to the plight of others.? For him, pity , love are luxuries he can’t afford .
Inciting incident: And then who should show up on his doorstep but the boy from next door, now homeless, hungry, shoeles. Maybe he needs some medical care.
Dramatic dilemma: Take care of the kid BUT get evicted. Or pay the rent BUT consign the boy to? an unhappy, loveless life in the orphanage.?
Climax😕 He takes the boy to the? orphanage.? But at the last moment, changes his mind.
Denouement: The man feeds the boy, buys him a pair of shoes. He gets evicted. The man and boy walk away into an uncertain future. But there is one certainty, the boy will have the love and protection of the man, love and protection he never had with his father.
fwiw