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  1. Posted: February 26, 2020In: Comedy, Examples, Romance

    A mermaid is allowed to spend six days on land with a man whom she fell in love with while saving him from drowning.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 28, 2020 at 12:12 am

    Nir Shelter:Your take touches on the reason I posted a logline for the movie.? In fact, your version was my original choice.? But I changed my mind after listening the the commentary on the 20th anniversary DVD release of the movie.? I realize that perhaps one reason it took 7 years to sell the scriRead more

    Nir Shelter:

    Your take touches on the reason I posted a logline for the movie.? In fact, your version was my original choice.? But I changed my mind after listening the the commentary on the 20th anniversary DVD release of the movie.? I realize that perhaps one reason it took 7 years to sell the script was because the Act 1 setup? was technically flawed.

    In the DVD commentary, Brian Glazer (the producer) and Ron Howard (the director) say that the original script did not have the opening scene where she rescues him when they are both kids? — the one referred to in your version.? That scene was added later after the script deal was made.? Glazer and Howard realized realized that it didn’t make sense to have the 2nd lead, the raison d’etre for the whole movie , to not appear until some 20 minutes into the movie.? She had to appear sooner.

    Further, it was necessary to sell the audience on the idea of a magical instant romantic connection? between the two.? And that required at least two story beats in the 1st Act, the 1st to establish the premise, the 2nd to reinforce it.? So they tacked on the prologue.

    The original script included a scene? where? a witch mermaid grants the mermaid a magical wish, 6 days on land.? That scene was cut from the original release. ?Glazer and Howard figured — quite correctly — that after the audience sees the Daryl Hannah character butt naked on the beach after rescuing the Tom Hanks character they won’t notice, won’t care about any plot holes.? They will willingly, gladly suspend disbelief in all the magic required to boot up the plot.

    (Also the dynamic of the romantic relationship operates on the Jungian notion of the anima archetype, the soul mate.)

    Of course, you are correct that the inciting incident should be an event that upsets the status quo, the ordinary world of the main characters.? I suggest that the 2nd meeting as adults fits that description.? Because until they meet a 2nd time, the mermaid has no opportunity to act on the feelings she had some 20 years earlier during the 1st rescue. The inciting incident is also an “opportunity knocks” moment.? And opportunity knocks for the mermaid when he finds the wallet that informs her where she lives.? Her feelings as a child have been reinforced as an adult and now she has the information she needs to act on them.

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  2. Posted: February 20, 2020In: Examples

    When a sexually repressed teenage boy with a sex therapist mother is approached by his money savvy high school classmate, together they start a sex therapy business at school.

    Trix Samurai
    Added an answer on February 21, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    Actually the IMDB summary does include a vital word - "underground"... at the moment the logline reads as thought it could all be above board.

    Actually the IMDB summary does include a vital word – “underground”… at the moment the logline reads as thought it could all be above board.

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  3. Posted: February 20, 2020In: Examples

    When his business partner cheats a dangerous client, a shrewd financial adviser must move to Ozark and launder $8m to save the lives of himself and his family.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 20, 2020 at 8:59 am

    Quibble:? It's the Ozarks, the mountain region straddling Missouri and Arkansas. Only? $8 million?? That's chump change in the drug business.? Isn't that just starter money??? (I haven't seen the series.) And I suggest the "dangerous client" be clearly identified for who he is, a drug lord.? Were thRead more

    Quibble:? It’s the Ozarks, the mountain region straddling Missouri and Arkansas.

    Only? $8 million?? That’s chump change in the drug business.? Isn’t that just starter money??? (I haven’t seen the series.)

    And I suggest the “dangerous client” be clearly identified for who he is, a drug lord.? Were this project still in the pitching stage, I imagine producers would want to have the villain clearly defined up front in the logline.

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