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Picked up by social services after years of living off the grid, a veteran suffering from PTSD and his teenage daughter struggle to integrate into society.
Karel:Yes,? I have a logline for "Winter's Bone ".? It's a personal favorite,? and I agree that it's more conventional structure makes it easier to logline.>>> That?s why her unconscious action leads to them being discovered.Hmm. I see it differently. It's established that they are squattinRead more
Karel:
Yes,? I have a logline for “Winter’s Bone “.? It’s a personal favorite,? and I agree that it’s more conventional structure makes it easier to logline.
>>> That?s why her unconscious action leads to them being discovered.
Hmm. I see it differently. It’s established that they are squatting in public parkland frequented by visitors and patrolled by park personnel.? So there is an ongoing risk of their being discovered.? Which is why the father does hiding drills. The story sets up the plausibility and probability of being inadvertently discovered.? And? as it turns out, they are both sniffed out by a tracking dog when they try to hide from? the rangers.
By “struggles to live a normal life with a father who cannot.” I meant to say that getting picked up precipitates a crisis in their relationship, a growing tension between her desire? to live a normal life and his inability to do so.? So how to convey that in a one concise sentence?
Whatever, my? m.o. has evolved such that I believe it’s more important for a logline to sell the sizzle than describe the steak.? The sizzle in this story is that it’s about a daughter and father who have been living off the grid for years.
See lessWhen an army soldier befriends the very Indians he is commissioned to fight, he discovers for the first time, who he truly is.
I agree that his need / goal should be objective (but possibly hinting at his subjective need), I don't think you need 'very' and I'd consider changing 'Indians' to 'American Indians' or similar - as there is some discussion around the correct modern term for the indigenous peoples of the US: https:Read more
I agree that his need / goal should be objective (but possibly hinting at his subjective need), I don’t think you need ‘very’ and I’d consider changing ‘Indians’ to ‘American Indians’ or similar – as there is some discussion around the correct modern term for the indigenous peoples of the US: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Native_Americans_in_the_United_States#Terminology_differences. Other than the fact that he’s supposed to fight them, I’m not sure what the soldier’s conflict is from the logline.
See lessHow a Black police officer infiltrated a Ku Klax Klan chapter with a Jewish partner who eventually became its leader.
Melsher:You raise a good point.? I considered presenting it in the present tense.? I opted to use the past tense to underscore that the script is? based upon events (in the past).? To? say, "This really happened folks - it's not fiction."If it were? a fictional story, then , yes, I would have used tRead more
Melsher:
You raise a good point.? I considered presenting it in the present tense.? I opted to use the past tense to underscore that the script is? based upon events (in the past).? To? say, “This really happened folks – it’s not fiction.”
If it were? a fictional story, then , yes, I would have used the present tense.
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