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When an ?typical couple of thieves, tempted by the promise of money, get mixed up in the love triangle of two witches and a king, they will have to risk their lives to ensure the gates of hell remain shut.
The wording is strange, but I think I understand what you mean. It sounds like the highest stakes lay in the door to hell, best to focus the logline on that and cut the rest out. As Richiev pointed out, you need to connect the inciting incident with the goal, so if the goal is to prevent hell from tRead more
The wording is strange, but I think I understand what you mean.
It sounds like the highest stakes lay in the door to hell, best to focus the logline on that and cut the rest out. As Richiev pointed out, you need to connect the inciting incident with the goal, so if the goal is to prevent hell from taking over, what is it that puts the world at risk of hell in the first place? What event was it that suddenly made it possible for hell to breach through the door?
See lessWhen two losers, tempted by the promise of money, get mixed up in the love triangle of two witches, they will need all their wits to get out of the mess.
Agree with foxtrot25, it reads more like a comedy than a thriller. ?And lose the losers description. ?Although in every aspect of the logline, they act like losers, victims of their own folly, which again, ?usually works better as a comedy. And it's not good enough to say "they will need all their wRead more
Agree with foxtrot25, it reads more like a comedy than a thriller. ?And lose the losers description. ?Although in every aspect of the logline, they act like losers, victims of their own folly, which again, ?usually works better as a comedy.
And it’s not good enough to say “they will need all their wits to get out of the mess” ?because that is standard operating procedure in every plot line: ?complications and crises build to the point that it requires all the wits, courage and strength the character has to extricated himself from the dramatic predicament and prevail.
As a result of getting mixed up with 2 witches, what becomes their objective goal? ?And what’s at stake? ?What’s the worst thing that will happen to them if they “don’t get out of the mess”?
See lessWhen a billionaire futurist is killed, a vengeful ex-assassin is forced to confront her sanity as she fights to discover who has been manipulating her memories to make her the world?s most feared killer.
The latest draft of the logline lacks a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and goal. Ask yourself: how does one event motivate the other?
The latest draft of the logline lacks a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and goal.
See lessAsk yourself: how does one event motivate the other?