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ON THE BRINK OF DEFEAT, THE ARMY TURNS TO AN HONOR BOUND PILOT TO RISK COURT-MARTIAL AND THE LIVES OF HIS CREW.
I have a feeling you know your story well, but it's not coming across in the above logline. ?Maybe try reworking it in this format: ?When (inciting incident) happens, (Protagonist) must (goal) before (stakes if he fails.)
I have a feeling you know your story well, but it’s not coming across in the above logline. ?Maybe try reworking it in this format: ?When (inciting incident) happens, (Protagonist) must (goal) before (stakes if he fails.)
See lessA plucky archaeologist and his meddlesome team must search a brittle primordial underground temple for escape when an excavation mishap destroys the entrance and awakens a man-eating Yeti.
Great concept. ?You might want to find a description other than "plucky" to differentiate this archaeologist from others (Indiana Jones, ?etc.) ? ?"A claustrophobic archaeologist, trapped inside an ancient temple by a vindictive coworker, ?accidentally awakens a man-eating Yeti and must find an escaRead more
Great concept. ?You might want to find a description other than “plucky” to differentiate this archaeologist from others (Indiana Jones, ?etc.) ? ?”A claustrophobic archaeologist, trapped inside an ancient temple by a vindictive coworker, ?accidentally awakens a man-eating Yeti and must find an escape before he suffocates or is eaten alive.”
See lessWhen a disaffected war hero takes control of a nuclear missile silo, the resourceful silo commander must take it back while hiding the fact that she is a Russian spy.
Thank you all for your insightful comments. I think all of you are correct; I wanted this to be a story about someone taking over a silo and the struggle of the commander to take it back. But then I thought I needed an extra twist to make it more interesting. But it seems I took a route that is veryRead more
Thank you all for your insightful comments. I think all of you are correct; I wanted this to be a story about someone taking over a silo and the struggle of the commander to take it back. But then I thought I needed an extra twist to make it more interesting. But it seems I took a route that is very, very deficient. As you all pointed out, there seems to be a disconnect between the storyline of the struggle for the silo and the spy identity. I can’t take the easy way out. So I’ll need to reconsider how to find a hook that gives it a unique twist while still being connected to the main story line.
See lessAgain, thank you very much for your comments, I’ll come back when I have a better logline to offer.