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?When his baby daughter is kidnapped, an Ex-CIA Agent, notorious for being the best they ever had, breaks out of an insane asylum, and stops at nothing to get her back, from the man he himself trained.? ? BlOOM! by Judah Ray ?
Fewer words will serve you better than more, for example; "...an ex CIA agent notorious for being the best they had..." could also be written as; "..a formidable CIA agent..." or "...one of the CIA's former best...". The adjective notorious implies a negative connotation, but being the best is positRead more
Fewer words will serve you better than more, for example; “…an ex CIA agent notorious for being the best they had…” could also be written as; “..a formidable CIA agent…” or “…one of the CIA’s former best…”.
The adjective notorious implies a negative connotation, but being the best is positive so a different adjective will do better here. “…stops at nothing…” is too vague unless you have some unique bit of action he will undertake it doesn’t help the logline and can be cut.
Here is a more focused version of your logline:
See lessAfter his baby is kidnaped, one of the CIA’s former best agents must break out of an insane asylum to hunt down his own former student who took his daughter.
?After she’s attacked by demons, a teenage amnesiac must discover who or what she is, if she?s to defeat the evil horde that has targeted her.? — Fallen Angel–
I really like this idea. It can go so many great ways, I would be excited to rea dit, based just off this logline. Good work. I applaud you.
I really like this idea. It can go so many great ways, I would be excited to rea dit, based just off this logline. Good work. I applaud you.
See lessA spy with a big mouth must destroy an enemy radar station before more planes are shot down.
You each make excellent points, however Eathan correctly ?deduced that I should have used the adjective "brash" to describe my protagonist's overly confident, insubordinate attitude. I currently have almost thirty versions of the logline and still haven't nailed it. But I will. Thanks for the coveraRead more
You each make excellent points, however Eathan correctly ?deduced that I should have used the adjective “brash” to describe my protagonist’s overly confident, insubordinate attitude.
I currently have almost thirty versions of the logline and still haven’t nailed it. But I will.
Thanks for the coverage.
mop1011
See less