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  1. Posted: February 1, 2017In: Action

    ?When his baby daughter is kidnapped, an Ex-CIA Agent, notorious for being the best they ever had, breaks out of an insane asylum, and stops at nothing to get her back, from the man he himself trained.? ? BlOOM! by Judah Ray ?

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on February 3, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    Fewer words will serve you better than more, for example; "...an ex CIA agent notorious for being the best they had..." could also be written as; "..a formidable CIA agent..." or "...one of the CIA's former best...". The adjective notorious implies a negative connotation, but being the best is positRead more

    Fewer words will serve you better than more, for example; “…an ex CIA agent notorious for being the best they had…” could also be written as; “..a formidable CIA agent…” or “…one of the CIA’s former best…”.
    The adjective notorious implies a negative connotation, but being the best is positive so a different adjective will do better here. “…stops at nothing…” is too vague unless you have some unique bit of action he will undertake it doesn’t help the logline and can be cut.

    Here is a more focused version of your logline:
    After his baby is kidnaped, one of the CIA’s former best agents must break out of an insane asylum to hunt down his own former student who took his daughter.

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  2. Posted: September 26, 2015In: Action

    ?After she’s attacked by demons, a teenage amnesiac must discover who or what she is, if she?s to defeat the evil horde that has targeted her.? — Fallen Angel–

    Judah Ray Logliner
    Added an answer on February 1, 2017 at 10:17 am

    I really like this idea. It can go so many great ways, I would be excited to rea dit, based just off this logline. Good work. I applaud you.

    I really like this idea. It can go so many great ways, I would be excited to rea dit, based just off this logline. Good work. I applaud you.

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  3. Posted: January 28, 2017In: Action

    A spy with a big mouth must destroy an enemy radar station before more planes are shot down.

    mop1011 Logliner
    Added an answer on January 31, 2017 at 6:34 am

    You each make excellent points, however Eathan correctly ?deduced that I should have used the adjective "brash" to describe my protagonist's overly confident, insubordinate attitude. I currently have almost thirty versions of the logline and still haven't nailed it. But I will. Thanks for the coveraRead more

    You each make excellent points, however Eathan correctly ?deduced that I should have used the adjective “brash” to describe my protagonist’s overly confident, insubordinate attitude.

    I currently have almost thirty versions of the logline and still haven’t nailed it. But I will.
    Thanks for the coverage.

    mop1011

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