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  1. Posted: June 19, 2024In: Adventure

    When he is sent to investigate a billionaire with a deadly artifact, in in a world where the line between natural and supernatural is growing thin, a preteen magical spy must return the artifact in return for medicine for his dying sister; but when his cover blown, it must learn to work with his arrogant rival in order to fight his way to the mission’s end before the artifact destroys the city.

    Julian Bowles Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 19, 2024 at 11:24 am

    An intriguing concept! As for the Logline itself, I do think that some of the information should be condensed and perhaps rearranged. For example, start with the main character and then establish the event which leads to his preceding action. Something like, 'A pre teen spy with an aptitude for magiRead more

    An intriguing concept! As for the Logline itself, I do think that some of the information should be condensed and perhaps rearranged. For example, start with the main character and then establish the event which leads to his preceding action. Something like, ‘A pre teen spy with an aptitude for magic has his cover blown by a nefarious billionaire and must escape his wrath with the help of his long time rival.’ or something to that effect. I personally think a logline works best when it establishes the stakes of the characters or their conflict on a personal level, instead of the bigger picture, because if an audience can be hooked by the personal stakes, that the bigger picture stakes will become a natural progression as the story goes on. Please keep developing it, this sounds fun!

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  2. Posted: April 17, 2024In: Adventure

    When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.

    mrliteral Samurai
    Added an answer on April 17, 2024 at 11:09 am

    Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they're doing...not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?

    Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they’re doing…not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?

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  3. Posted: February 2, 2024In: Adventure

    A German teenager craving social acceptance unexpectedly time-travels from 1914 to 1933 and must choose: find belonging in the Hitler Youth or break his daughter out of a prison camp.

    lukige_uk Penpusher
    Added an answer on February 2, 2024 at 6:34 am

    A rewritten logline and elevator pitch. I'd love your feedback - particularly on its clarity and narrative potential.

    A rewritten logline and elevator pitch. I’d love your feedback – particularly on its clarity and narrative potential.

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