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(6th revision- w/o typo) After performing a flawed mummification, a child must atone for shirking human souls from the Earth Spirit; after much suffering, he rises as Anubis, the judge of the dead.
It is possible to just amend the previous post rather than adding an additional logline. It's also really useful for both those commenting and those reading to see the evolution of the logline within one post rather than posting multiple versions of the same.
It is possible to just amend the previous post rather than adding an additional logline. It’s also really useful for both those commenting and those reading to see the evolution of the logline within one post rather than posting multiple versions of the same.
See lessA young girl taken to an alternative world to be the starchild to save the world by putting on a ring called the starring given by God
You're focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot: Alternative world, fun. Starchild!? Ooooo. Good to know the ring is called the "starring". Given by a god?? OMG! Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I'm noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what isRead more
You’re focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot:
Alternative world, fun.
Starchild!? Ooooo.
Good to know the ring is called the “starring”.
Given by a god?? OMG!
Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I’m noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what is wrong with the world?? What’s so special about this girl, that she should be given this responsibility?
See less(5th revision) A half-wolf child causes a corpse to awake, thus disgracing his genie tutor; his redemption happens by learning about the human soul and becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.
You already have "half-wolf child", and "god of the dead"... I don't think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on thRead more
You already have “half-wolf child”, and “god of the dead”… I don’t think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on that?? Do we have to mention “learning about the human soul” explicitly?
See less