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A young girl taken to an alternative world to be the starchild to save the world by putting on a ring called the starring given by God
You're focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot: Alternative world, fun. Starchild!? Ooooo. Good to know the ring is called the "starring". Given by a god?? OMG! Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I'm noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what isRead more
You’re focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot:
Alternative world, fun.
Starchild!? Ooooo.
Good to know the ring is called the “starring”.
Given by a god?? OMG!
Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I’m noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what is wrong with the world?? What’s so special about this girl, that she should be given this responsibility?
See less(5th revision) A half-wolf child causes a corpse to awake, thus disgracing his genie tutor; his redemption happens by learning about the human soul and becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.
You already have "half-wolf child", and "god of the dead"... I don't think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on thRead more
You already have “half-wolf child”, and “god of the dead”… I don’t think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on that?? Do we have to mention “learning about the human soul” explicitly?
See less(4th revision) 3000 BC: a hybrid child, despised by the world, is adopted by a genie; causing his stepfater’s damnation, he must redeem himself and become the god of the dead, Anubis.
Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn't explained well in this version.Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather's damnation, the correlation between the two events isn't easy to see and also nRead more
Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn’t explained well in this version.
Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather’s damnation, the correlation between the two events isn’t easy to see and also not explained.
But I do think the story is interesting. And I think if the logline were as interesting as the story, it would definitely help sell this.
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