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  1. Posted: April 3, 2018In: Adventure

    After her student goes missing, the teacher in-charge sets up a “search and rescue” with his best friends before their field trip ends.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 5, 2018 at 5:42 am

    variable:If he's a prankster, why not?? Who is the more interesting character?And you tag the genre as adventure.? Well, whose adventure is it -- the poor distraught teacher, or the prankster-prone kid?? And how can it be an adventure for her?? It seems more like her worst nightmare as a teacher.I rRead more

    variable:

    If he’s a prankster, why not?? Who is the more interesting character?

    And you tag the genre as adventure.? Well, whose adventure is it — the poor distraught teacher, or the prankster-prone kid?? And how can it be an adventure for her?? It seems more like her worst nightmare as a teacher.

    I recently re-viewed an old flick? (a personal favorite for no rational reason) about a cowboy who steals a prize horse being showcased in Las Vegas and disappears into the desert.

    And everybody is looking for him.? But nobody can find him.? Except for one resourceful, relentless reporter.

    But the story is not told from the reporter’s pov,? Why?? Because, among other things, more than 1/2 the “fun and games” scenes (per Blake Snyder) belong to the cowboy.? All the ways he eludes being caught.

    It seems to me that a good logline ought to evoke “fun and games” scenes in the mind of a reader.? Which is another way of describing what constitutes a strong hook.? A hooks grab attention — and inspires the imagination.

    So which character has the potential for more “fun and games” moments in your concept, the kid or the teacher?? Which one inspires your imagination more?

    The news story I cited earlier about the kid who got lost in the L.A. sewer system:? Which is the more interesting? aspect of the story, the one people really want to know about?? The efforts of the fine people to find him?? Or his misadventure in the sewer?

    Obviously any dramatization would cut back and forth between the rescue effort, the distraught parents and the kid.? But, really,? who is involved in the inciting incident?? Who initiates the action — the kid or the rescuers?? Who owns that news story? Who owns the story hook?

    And by the way, what is the story hook in your premise?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 30, 2018In: Adventure

    waking up dead to realize his victims now hunting for him, a bounty hunter must work with the only guy grateful-to-be-dead, in order to reach NIRVANA INC. (also possible title)

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 31, 2018 at 7:30 am

    >>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??What if he's a serial murderer?Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)

    >>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??

    What if he’s a serial murderer?

    Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)

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  3. Posted: March 29, 2018In: Adventure

    When a fragile single girl wins a holiday vacation at 28, she has 3 weeks to go into a meaningful relationship or risk relapsing into depression

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on March 30, 2018 at 2:39 am

    There is a disconnect between winning the cruise and falling into depression. After all, why not just take a best friend and try to meet a guy on the cruise? ------------- "When she discovers her ex and his new wife will be taking the same cruise to the Bahamas, a depressed single girl has two weeksRead more

    There is a disconnect between winning the cruise and falling into depression. After all, why not just take a best friend and try to meet a guy on the cruise?
    ————-
    “When she discovers her ex and his new wife will be taking the same cruise to the Bahamas, a depressed single girl has two weeks to find the perfect guy to pretend to be her date for the trip.”

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