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3 siblings set out on an adventure with their father?s friend, a professor, to find out what caused his disappearance and stop the power that could destroy humanity that he was looking for.
I find this far too vague. ?The stakes seem high but what is the hook? ?What kind of professor? ?What kind of power that can destroy humanity? Is it supernatural, is it manmade, is it alien? ?Do you need all 3 siblings? ?Why? ?Can't it be one child perhaps connecting with the father's estranged partRead more
I find this far too vague. ?The stakes seem high but what is the hook? ?What kind of professor? ?What kind of power that can destroy humanity? Is it supernatural, is it manmade, is it alien? ?Do you need all 3 siblings? ?Why? ?Can’t it be one child perhaps connecting with the father’s estranged partner for example? ?Why does the Dad’s friend agree to go on this journey? ?Perhaps they are more than friends? ?Estranged colleagues? ?Former lovers? ?I need more specificity and more connective tissue with the characters.
See lessAfter her student goes missing, the teacher in-charge sets up a “search and rescue” with his best friends before their field trip ends.
variable:If he's a prankster, why not?? Who is the more interesting character?And you tag the genre as adventure.? Well, whose adventure is it -- the poor distraught teacher, or the prankster-prone kid?? And how can it be an adventure for her?? It seems more like her worst nightmare as a teacher.I rRead more
variable:
If he’s a prankster, why not?? Who is the more interesting character?
And you tag the genre as adventure.? Well, whose adventure is it — the poor distraught teacher, or the prankster-prone kid?? And how can it be an adventure for her?? It seems more like her worst nightmare as a teacher.
I recently re-viewed an old flick? (a personal favorite for no rational reason) about a cowboy who steals a prize horse being showcased in Las Vegas and disappears into the desert.
And everybody is looking for him.? But nobody can find him.? Except for one resourceful, relentless reporter.
But the story is not told from the reporter’s pov,? Why?? Because, among other things, more than 1/2 the “fun and games” scenes (per Blake Snyder) belong to the cowboy.? All the ways he eludes being caught.
It seems to me that a good logline ought to evoke “fun and games” scenes in the mind of a reader.? Which is another way of describing what constitutes a strong hook.? A hooks grab attention — and inspires the imagination.
So which character has the potential for more “fun and games” moments in your concept, the kid or the teacher?? Which one inspires your imagination more?
The news story I cited earlier about the kid who got lost in the L.A. sewer system:? Which is the more interesting? aspect of the story, the one people really want to know about?? The efforts of the fine people to find him?? Or his misadventure in the sewer?
Obviously any dramatization would cut back and forth between the rescue effort, the distraught parents and the kid.? But, really,? who is involved in the inciting incident?? Who initiates the action — the kid or the rescuers?? Who owns that news story? Who owns the story hook?
And by the way, what is the story hook in your premise?
fwiw
See lesswaking up dead to realize his victims now hunting for him, a bounty hunter must work with the only guy grateful-to-be-dead, in order to reach NIRVANA INC. (also possible title)
>>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??What if he's a serial murderer?Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)
>>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??
What if he’s a serial murderer?
Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)
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