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A lost orphan, hunted by brutal and corrupt miners, sets out on a thrilling adventure across the Australian desert in search of her new home.
There's too many non-sequiturs. I don't understand why the miners would be hunting the orphan. What has she done? Why do the miners pursue her across the desert? Why does she have to go across the desert? (OK, to get to the new home ... but it's not clear why that home is across the desert). How didRead more
There’s too many non-sequiturs.
I don’t understand why the miners would be hunting the orphan. What has she done? Why do the miners pursue her across the desert? Why does she have to go across the desert? (OK, to get to the new home … but it’s not clear why that home is across the desert). How did this orphan, who is lost, manage to tee up a new home, across the desert?
I think some of this needs to be made clearer on the next logline.
Also, like Nir said — what happened that set THESE pieces in play?
See lessIn order to save his mother, a young man embarks in an adventure to get proof of a friendly monster’s existence.
To save his sick Mother, a Young Boy? must get proof of the?existence of a ?being not known to science, so he travels far and wide and brings back a friendly Monster to everyone's surprise. Not great but you get the idea to simplify it.?? I hope.
To save his sick Mother, a Young Boy? must get proof of the?existence of a ?being not known to science, so he travels far and wide and brings back a friendly Monster to everyone’s surprise.
Not great but you get the idea to simplify it.?? I hope.
See lessAfter sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.
"Criminal tactics" seems vague. ?What exactly are the "criminal antics" she must engage in to get back home? ?Grand theft auto... assault and battery... murder?
“Criminal tactics” seems vague. ?What exactly are the “criminal antics” she must engage in to get back home? ?Grand theft auto… assault and battery… murder?
See less