1. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    When every dream in a town is caught in a magic dreamcatcher, the girl who owns it must escape from people who wants to kill her beacuse she’s seen their dreams and then destroy the dreamcatcher.

    dpg Singularity

    I think the premise has promise but...First of all, the girl is only ?reacting?not acting, and only in a negative sense. The logline portrays her as only?escaping?-- running away -- with?no hint of what she wants to run toward.? Which is to ask, given her access to the dreams of others, what becomesRead more

    I think the premise has promise but…

    First of all, the girl is only ?reacting?not acting, and only in a negative sense. The logline portrays her as only?escaping?– running away — with?no hint of what she wants to run toward.? Which is to ask, given her access to the dreams of others, what becomes her objective goal?? What does she want to do about the knowledge she has acquired?

    And I suggest it might be better if??she is the dream catcher.? She doesn’t own a “dream?machine”.? Maybe she wakes up one morning and discovers she?has acquired the innate ability to know other people’s dreams as well as remember her own.? Or suddenly, after years of vivid and lucid dreaming, she can’t remember any of her dreams — only the dreams of others.?? Whatever,? make it a personal endowment, not a prop.

    But either way you go, the question comes up in my mind:? how does everyone else know that she is privy to their dreams?? Is she so foolish, so indiscrete as to let them know?? Or is it a secret that leaks out?? And what is it about their dreams that her knowing them makes them so angry that they want to kill her?

    As I said, I think the premise is promising but suggest it needs to be refined.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: October 3, 2015In:

    When her brother?s diary mysteriously appears at her doorstep, an art forgery investigator uses it to decipher location of stolen diamonds. She also discovers the truth about her father who masterminded an international heist and embarks on a hunt for the treasure during which she finds her family lost decades ago.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    I just noticed this conversation, and would like to add that you can 'vote up' reviews. This way, you can support what you believe is a valuable contribution from anyone. (Once a user collects 2,500 points, they can also 'vote down' a review. )And Rafael, you can give someone the highest kudos by seRead more

    I just noticed this conversation, and would like to add that you can ‘vote up’ reviews.
    This way, you can support what you believe is a valuable contribution from anyone.
    (Once a user collects 2,500 points, they can also ‘vote down’ a review. )

    And Rafael, you can give someone the highest kudos by selecting their review as the “Best Review/Best Answer.”

    😉

    Karel

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  3. Posted: October 2, 2015In:

    With tensions rising between settlers and the natives, a sailor must decide between returning to life at sea and staying in the New World to challenge his closest friend for the woman they have both fallen for.

    dpg Singularity

    He's obviously going to stay and fight for the woman he loves, right? ?Otherwise, there's no story. ?So it seems to me that there's no mystery, no suspense on that plot point. ?In that sense, the logline sets up a false choice. In any event, in most cases a logline is not about a choice that has toRead more

    He’s obviously going to stay and fight for the woman he loves, right? ?Otherwise, there’s no story. ?So it seems to me that there’s no mystery, no suspense on that plot point. ?In that sense, the logline sets up a false choice.

    In any event, in most cases a logline is not about a choice that has to be made, but rather about the struggle that ensues AFTER the choice is made. ?He wants the woman. What is his game plan for winning her? ?As a result of the ?romantic competition and the the complications from the natives, what does the sailor do to win her affection? ?What heroic feat must he accomplish, what objective goal must he win?

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