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With tensions rising between settlers and the natives, a sailor must decide between returning to life at sea and staying in the New World to challenge his closest friend for the woman they have both fallen for.
He's obviously going to stay and fight for the woman he loves, right? ?Otherwise, there's no story. ?So it seems to me that there's no mystery, no suspense on that plot point. ?In that sense, the logline sets up a false choice. In any event, in most cases a logline is not about a choice that has toRead more
He’s obviously going to stay and fight for the woman he loves, right? ?Otherwise, there’s no story. ?So it seems to me that there’s no mystery, no suspense on that plot point. ?In that sense, the logline sets up a false choice.
In any event, in most cases a logline is not about a choice that has to be made, but rather about the struggle that ensues AFTER the choice is made. ?He wants the woman. What is his game plan for winning her? ?As a result of the ?romantic competition and the the complications from the natives, what does the sailor do to win her affection? ?What heroic feat must he accomplish, what objective goal must he win?
See lessWhen a commitment-phobic long-haul truckie falls for a city writer online, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to win her heart or lose her to a city slicker.
Having read the story, this is a great logline. However, for non-Australians, the Nullarbor doesn't say much. Just say "the desert", or "1,675kms of desert" I would also remove "online", as it sits awkward at ?the end of the sentence. As it is a romance, or romantic comedy (can you do that?), I beliRead more
Having read the story, this is a great logline.
However, for non-Australians, the Nullarbor doesn’t say much. Just say “the desert”, or “1,675kms of desert”
I would also remove “online”, as it sits awkward at ?the end of the sentence.
As it is a romance, or romantic comedy (can you do that?), I believe it would be stronger if you could give the writer a flaw. Even if she is really flawless!! 🙂
See lessA secret government test places 3 children that have been raised with no human contact on a deserted island to see how they develop.
What were they raised by? It's cool but presently too vague.
What were they raised by? It’s cool but presently too vague.
See less