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In order to open a fingerprint secure safe and steal money for his chemotherapy, a shy delivery boy who can not see a blood has to cut and steal five thumbs from five different mafia bosses in one night.
Chump ChangeIn the course of his deliveries, the lead character discovers two big pharma execs have just petitioned Congress to get exclusive rights to the medicine his daughter needs to stay alive, They are are bragging how much money the company will make when they raise the prices.This is also whRead more
Chump Change
In the course of his deliveries, the lead character discovers two big pharma execs have just petitioned Congress to get exclusive rights to the medicine his daughter needs to stay alive, They are are bragging how much money the company will make when they raise the prices.
This is also when the lead discovers the safe that has the money he desperately needs; but to the execs, it is just for everyday expenses… Chump Change.
1: This way the ‘bad guys’ who the lead?is stealing from will be directly related to the problem: The high price of the medicine. It is poetic?justice
2: Also, if it is his daughter and not him who needs the medicine?your lead character will be more sympathetic to the audience.
3: The Irony is, to the lead character the money in the safe means the entire world… to the Pharma exects it means less than nothing, just some cash they use when they don’t want what they’re doing on the books,
Your lead character is breaking the law, but everyone can relate to a father who, after exhausting?every legal measure, will do anything for the life of his little girl.
See lessOn the night of his big break, an up-and-coming comedian interrupts a pharmacy robbery, triggering a madcap chain of events as he races against the gang and the clock to get back to the theatre.
Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increasRead more
Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increase the stakes. What if he was invited on to the Late Show for his career making appearance? For most comedians that’s a do or die, only for him it applies literally as well.
See lessWhen her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.
Agreed with DPG. You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
Agreed with DPG.
You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
See less