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When her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.
Agreed with DPG. You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
Agreed with DPG.
You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
See lessWhen a redneck American world champion woodchopper is defeated by the ultimate bogan Australian newcomer, he travels to the land down under to face his nemesis and reclaim the title.
Why not combining Foxtrot and Tony Edward comments, the hero is an outlier from the world of wood chopping, maybe an arrogant well educated waspish who makes a living out of the competition. You would be surprise by the number of people who applies to non-standard sports when they realise that theirRead more
Why not combining Foxtrot and Tony Edward comments, the hero is an outlier from the world of wood chopping, maybe an arrogant well educated waspish who makes a living out of the competition. You would be surprise by the number of people who applies to non-standard sports when they realise that their path is blocked in the usual sport (Most bobsleigh sport person are failed sprinters).
See lessHis opponent is a young woman whom he is attracted to and in the same time very competitive with. She needs the money to save her farm down under. He wants to win, because he needs to keep his sponsors happy.
Rivalry and courtship at the same time.
Remember the movie “What women want” with Mel Hibson and Helen Hunt but in the competitive wood chopping world rather than the advertising world.
Owner and his telepathically connected dog, impress every one they meet, and take the show on the road to financial independence.
Spike2018, You wrote "...Is paying off gambling debts an inciting incident? Or do I need to be more specific like: Exorbitant Super Bowl losses?" No, paying off debts is a series of actions, not an incident, it's also something that the main character does himself - on his own accord. In previous thRead more
Spike2018,
You wrote “…Is paying off gambling debts an inciting incident? Or do I need to be more specific like: Exorbitant Super Bowl losses?”
No, paying off debts is a series of actions, not an incident, it’s also something that the main character does himself – on his own accord. In previous threads I explained, in detail, what makes a good inciting incident, here it is again – A good inciting incident is a single, out of the ordinary, and motivating event that was initiated by an external force to the main character.
If I were to convert your above suggestion into an inciting incident it would probably look like this:
After a bookie cracks his thumb, a lowner, telepathically connected to his dog, goes on the road…
As Richiev wrote, where is the conflict going to come from? If he’s on the road, well, he’s on the road doing his thing – not much to it. What If the bookie were to pursue him? Then you have a source of conflict.
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