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A witch want to made a world best perfume but she still left some ingredient to complete it,and she need to get her ingredient from the most dangerous forest in the world.
Yuen497, Welcome on board, we hope the site will be of help to you. Please read the 'Rules' section before posting again - you're supposed to review two other loglines for every one you post, a rule you've neglected to abide by so far. As a result, any further posts will be deleted. It also appearsRead more
Yuen497,
Welcome on board, we hope the site will be of help to you.
Please read the ‘Rules’ section before posting again – you’re supposed to review two other loglines for every one you post, a rule you’ve neglected to abide by so far. As a result, any further posts will be deleted.
It also appears as though you didn’t read the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar, best you study the guidelines for industry standard logline construction. To get you started, the main character (in this case the witch) needs to be motivated by an event that will make him or her want to achieve a goal. In your next version, try to think of an event that will make the witch need to make the world’s best perfume. This will make her a motivated character with a dramatic need.
Other than that, I would guess that English is not your first language and suggest perhaps running the logline through a word processor for help with grammar and spelling. It would be very difficult for a producer to read past some of the rudimentary errors in this first attempt.
Otherwise, we all look forward to reading more of your work.
See lessTo date the girl of his dreams, a romantic peeping Tom enlists the help of a local cat burglar, but her perilous methods put his law-career at risk.
Hey Paul, The latest version of the logline still suffers from the same problems as the previous. Check out all the good comments you got and see how you can adjust the concept and logline accordingly.
Hey Paul,
The latest version of the logline still suffers from the same problems as the previous.
See lessCheck out all the good comments you got and see how you can adjust the concept and logline accordingly.
When a poor man’s truck breaks down, he starts selling bagged smokes to pay the mechanical bill, and soon realizes that he has a very lucrative idea.
Agreed with DPG. Most gate-keepers/decision makers will have an 'aha' moment when they hear the goal. In other words, you're more likely to catch someone's attention with a compelling goal than with an interesting setup or character description. In this case, you've established an M.O (a poverty-strRead more
Agreed with DPG.
Most gate-keepers/decision makers will have an ‘aha’ moment when they hear the goal. In other words, you’re more likely to catch someone’s attention with a compelling goal than with an interesting setup or character description.
In this case, you’ve established an M.O (a poverty-stricken truck driver illegally selling tobacco) if you can now describe a goal for this ‘means to an end’ it will elevate his actions as dramatic and story worthy. Could it be that he is about to lose his job to a self-driving truck and at the same time must keep providing for his family? This is a big concern in the logistics industries and could make for an interesting story.
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