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When a poor man’s truck breaks down, he starts selling bagged smokes to pay the mechanical bill, and soon realizes that he has a very lucrative idea.
Agreed with DPG. Most gate-keepers/decision makers will have an 'aha' moment when they hear the goal. In other words, you're more likely to catch someone's attention with a compelling goal than with an interesting setup or character description. In this case, you've established an M.O (a poverty-strRead more
Agreed with DPG.
Most gate-keepers/decision makers will have an ‘aha’ moment when they hear the goal. In other words, you’re more likely to catch someone’s attention with a compelling goal than with an interesting setup or character description.
In this case, you’ve established an M.O (a poverty-stricken truck driver illegally selling tobacco) if you can now describe a goal for this ‘means to an end’ it will elevate his actions as dramatic and story worthy. Could it be that he is about to lose his job to a self-driving truck and at the same time must keep providing for his family? This is a big concern in the logistics industries and could make for an interesting story.
See lessWhen a timid spoiled peeping tom discovers his poor law-school classmate is moonlighting as a cat burglar, she offers to set him up with the girl of his dreams in return for his silence.
I think you're trying to describe far too much complexity in the logline (and possibly the story as a whole) for it to be effective. Consider simplifying the MC, as DPG wrote pick one and make him or her clearly motivated.If it's the peeping Tom, you would have to work mighty hard to sell him to theRead more
I think you’re trying to describe far too much complexity in the logline (and possibly the story as a whole) for it to be effective. Consider simplifying the MC, as DPG wrote pick one and make him or her clearly motivated.
If it’s the peeping Tom, you would have to work mighty hard to sell him to the audience as a hero – not only is he a peeping Tom, but he also records his privacy intrusions on tape…
Not sure how you can come back from that, but assuming you still want to (you shouldn’t…), all the layers of descriptions in your explanation mean very little to the audience. Most cinema goers will recognise characters as one of three types: good, bad, and neutral. All the minutia nuances you’re trying for won’t have an effect, if anything, they’ll confuse most decision makers.
If, however, you go with the cat burglar (as DPG rightly advised) you have a morally corrupt character with a redeeming quality – doing the wrong thing for the right reason. This is actually a very powerful tendency to have in your MC – look how many Robin Hood iterations we’ve had over the years.
I myself just had a script optioned that’s about a guy doing the wrong thing for the right reason. I can’t say for sure, but I think that’s one of the reasons the producer wants the IP – it’s the kind of story that often seems to find an audience.
Anyway, this is your story so do what you think is best, but I strongly advise you rethink the concept and write a new version around the cat burglar.
See lessA self-centered man, doubting his relationship with his girlfriend, finds a way to jump through dimensions to find the woman he believes was ?the one,? but risks collapsing the entire multiverse before he finds her.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG. This could work as an OTT comedy based on a ludicrous premise ala' Hot Tub Time Machine. I would struggle to see it getting made without a Hollywood insider in on the development, but you never know.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG.
This could work as an OTT comedy based on a ludicrous premise ala’ Hot Tub Time Machine. I would struggle to see it getting made without a Hollywood insider in on the development, but you never know.
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