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THE REAR NAKED CHOKE – After his older brother loses badly, the youngest son of a Brazilian Ju Jitsu legend must find a way to beat the undefeated champ of an underground tournament and restore the family’s honor. Problem is he’s a closet gay virgin dying for some dick, he’s got zero interest in fighting, and zero ability to hide his erection when “rolling” with his training partners.
I can't even start. You are beginning to abuse the generosity of the site. Loglines are brief, you are ignoring our feedback or not even reading it. This is not a serious attempt and therefore I will not help you until you show some respect for the reasons on the site.
I can’t even start. You are beginning to abuse the generosity of the site. Loglines are brief, you are ignoring our feedback or not even reading it.
This is not a serious attempt and therefore I will not help you until you show some respect for the reasons on the site.
See lessLOSING WAIT – After a weak willed fat woman’s fiance tells her she’s gotten too big and he heads for the hills, she enlists a personal trainer who’s actually an angel sent by God with one shot to help someone or he’s banished to hell.
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state. A lonely obese woman enlists a personal traRead more
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state.
A lonely obese woman enlists a personal trainer who is an angel needing to help someone to save himself from hell.
Not great, but straight to the point. Think of the reader. They will never be reading your logline in isolation. They be reading hundreds, either in a comp or looking for a script. A wordy logline is just annoying, it also hides the story. Pile all your muscle into the main story. Stand out for content not fluff.
PS a setup is fluff.
See lessUNRELATABLE – An academic teen prodigy with zero social skills hires the dumbest jock imaginable to teach him how to attract his crush in time for prom.
If the nerd needs the charms of the jock to get the girl for the prom then it seems to me the story would be more interesting if ?the jock needs the ?brains of the nerd to stay eligible and play in the championship game. ?They're a high school Odd Couple who despise each other -- and need each otherRead more
If the nerd needs the charms of the jock to get the girl for the prom then it seems to me the story would be more interesting if ?the jock needs the ?brains of the nerd to stay eligible and play in the championship game. ?They’re a high school Odd Couple who despise each other — and need each other.
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