1. Posted: October 7, 2016In:

    “When her drink is spiked at a party a virgin finds herself pregnant and a seminary student is the father. Together they must go through hell to find a piece of heaven.”

    Nina Logliner

    This logline suggest a one plot beat.? What about the plot leading to an end? Using dpg's elements, revise your current logline and post again.

    This logline suggest a one plot beat.? What about the plot leading to an end? Using dpg’s elements, revise your current logline and post again.

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  2. Posted: October 6, 2016In:

    Its Christmas reunion for the decaying rich Moreira family. When the family patriarch, who has Alzheimer, says out of the blue that he has a expensive painting hidden, the family’s moral will be tested to its limits.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>the family?s moral will be tested to its limits. Specifically, tested how? ?The logline sets up an interesting story, but it needs to follow through with a clearer statement of the action that follows as a result of the patriarch's startling statement. ?I'm guessing that it triggers a seRead more

    >>>the family?s moral will be tested to its limits.

    Specifically, tested how? ?The logline sets up an interesting story, but it needs to follow through with a clearer statement of the action that follows as a result of the patriarch’s startling statement. ?I’m guessing that it triggers a search to find it — the objective goal. ?And it should also mention the resulting conflict it creates as the family argue over how to divide the money.

    Finally, the logline needs to be tightened up. ?The ideal length to aim for is 25 words. ?You might want to check out the ?”Training” option at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to build a succinct, industry acceptable logline.

    The?concept is a fertile field for comedy. ?Best wishes harvesting the laughs.

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  3. Posted: October 2, 2016In:

    Celebrity hairdresser was falsely accused for kidnapping a secret son of the mayor of New York and he has to deliver him to a real kidnappers to save the life of his mother because of her large gambling debt.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I think you have some good elements in you story but in my opinion you didn't selected them properly and built the logline with the elements in the ?proper order. The goal appears to be saving the main character's mother. So, the inciting incident should be something like the mother being menRead more

    Hello,

    I think you have some good elements in you story but in my opinion you didn’t selected them properly and built the logline with the elements in the ?proper order.

    The goal appears to be saving the main character’s mother. So, the inciting incident should be something like the mother being menaced by the mob.

    Or, the goal is to prove his innoncence and the inciting incident the accusation of kinapping the son. The mother’s debt could be just a B story that doesn’t need to be mentioned in the logline.

    Chose your spine and write the logline on it.

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