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(Short Film) After being extremely ridiculed for how he talked as a kid, a hermit young teen must overcome his irrational fear of speaking to others in order ask a girl out to the dance before his best friend betrays him by beating him to the chase.
I'm not sure this is a story for the screen, for the page maybe but as it is now it sounds entirely un cinematic. What does ?"...overcome his irrational fear of speaking..." look like? How is this a cinematic action for the screen? In addition I think the idea of a shy boy needing to overcome his feRead more
I’m not sure this is a story for the screen, for the page maybe but as it is now it sounds entirely un cinematic.
What does ?”…overcome his irrational fear of speaking…” look like? How is this a cinematic action for the screen?
In addition I think the idea of a shy boy needing to overcome his fear of talking to girls is rather mundane, it’s very common amongst boys.
Lastly what are the stakes? To miss out on a date with this girl? well that is pretty much a normal event in a young man’s life. It’s through many of these that most men learn to overcome their fear, but these lessons are completely internal and subjective – they don’t make for good cinematic stories.
I think best if you devise a plot that will ether be ?metaphor for the transformation in this story or draws a clear analogy to similar?events that so many have experienced in real life.
See lessWhen he is laid off from his dream job, Joe is surprised to find his major emotion is happiness, so he reviews how he got here to understand why.
Watch "LOST IN AMERICA" (1985). ?It is about two high paid exec that sell their house and decide to take the money and move to somewhere... they don't know where, just out of the rat race. Watch that and write a logline for it. ?You'll see that there is an incident that triggers their decision and iRead more
Watch “LOST IN AMERICA” (1985). ?It is about two high paid exec that sell their house and decide to take the money and move to somewhere… they don’t know where, just out of the rat race.
Watch that and write a logline for it. ?You’ll see that there is an incident that triggers their decision and is fuelled by the thought of freedom.
So what does Joe do? ?Write a list? – bit of a boring story. ?Visit friends? – so how does that look.
You understand. ?Look at the events and challenges her will face. ?Plus Joe may be better as “a man in his forties” or “a workaholic man” , Joe gives us no insight.
See lessA struggling novelist on a deadline takes a job as a obituary writer while he gets over his ex-wife and the deaths he writes about expose truths in his own life.
Have to agree with Nir Shelter here: I don't see the story. What is the conflict? What is the "hook"? Is it essential that he gets over his ex-wife? Why should anyone care that he exposes truths about his own life? If it's comedy, doesn't sound like much fun to me right now - actually, the first timRead more
Have to agree with Nir Shelter here: I don’t see the story. What is the conflict? What is the “hook”? Is it essential that he gets over his ex-wife? Why should anyone care that he exposes truths about his own life? If it’s comedy, doesn’t sound like much fun to me right now – actually, the first time I read it I thought “hm, another drama”. Can you extract why your story is hilarious and put that into the logline?
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