Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When uncovering the magical formula to more sales, a greedy telemarketer pursues to climb the capitalist ladder to upgrade his life-situation and impress his girlfriend.
Nice work! I'm not sure if "upgrade his life situation" is needed? Maybe just "a greedy telemarketer starts climbing the cpitalist ladder to impress his girlfriend". I haven't seen this movie, but now I want to, because LaKieth.
Nice work! I’m not sure if “upgrade his life situation” is needed? Maybe just “a greedy telemarketer starts climbing the cpitalist ladder to impress his girlfriend”.
I haven’t seen this movie, but now I want to, because LaKieth.
See lessAfter being left home alone by accident over christmas, an eight year old boy must defend his house from a duo of incompetent burglars.
Good job! I would maybe throw some of the words around in the beginning. "After accidentally being left behind over Christmas, a mischievous 8-year-old has to protect his family's home from a duo of incompetent burglars."
Good job! I would maybe throw some of the words around in the beginning. “After accidentally being left behind over Christmas, a mischievous 8-year-old has to protect his family’s home from a duo of incompetent burglars.”
See lessWhen he experiences an unexpected sensation in his nether regions during a massage from another man, George is forced to confront his own sexuality and insecurities.
The End. Specifically, what happens? Visually, what are we watching on screen. All the action is happening inside the character's head. We don't need to know his name's George. It takes up valuable real estate in a logline. Instead give us something about WHO he is. Check out my blog post on writingRead more
The End.
Specifically, what happens? Visually, what are we watching on screen. All the action is happening inside the character’s head.
We don’t need to know his name’s George. It takes up valuable real estate in a logline. Instead give us something about WHO he is. Check out my blog post on writing characters in a logline for advice: http://lefttowrite.co.uk/loglines-character/
What’s his goal? Oh and making a decision about whether he’s gay or not is not a goal. Again, it happens inside the character’s head. It must be an objective goal. In a comedy, it could be something like ask the guy he now realises he fancies on a date. Or come out to his very conservative family. Either way, it has to be something we can watch.
I feel like the inciting incident needs more work here too. I know what you’re going for, but I think it’s not strong enough motivation yet. I want this to be more like him accidentally kissing his best (male) friend while drunk and the film is him dealing with the consequences. I want a bigger moment!
Food for thought and I hope this helps.
See less