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A career driven wife unwittingly convinces her husband to join her in a tiny trailer cross country adventure, with the secret hopes of avoiding her disastrous financial missteps and saving their delicate marriage.
First of all, get rid of some adjectives: unwittingly, secret, disastrous, delicate... This is just too much. Some don't make sense, either. Next, it seems like the story's main action is 'convincing'. Or is the story what happens AFTER this? If the film is about the cross country adventure (which IRead more
First of all, get rid of some adjectives: unwittingly, secret, disastrous, delicate… This is just too much. Some don’t make sense, either.
See lessNext, it seems like the story’s main action is ‘convincing’. Or is the story what happens AFTER this?
If the film is about the cross country adventure (which I hope it is), we need to get a better feel for what will be the main obstacle/conflict there, and what it is that they need to achieve. Perhaps they must work together as a team to survive the adventure, after something happens that raises the stakes to life-death level.
Inorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family
The flow is disjointed in several places and many words have been unnecessarily capitalised. Having the twist of being tricked mid sentence could be amplified if it went closer to the end, thus building intrigue. A possible edit could be: In order to save his Indian girlfriend from an imminent arranRead more
The flow is disjointed in several places and many words have been unnecessarily capitalised. Having the twist of being tricked mid sentence could be amplified if it went closer to the end, thus building intrigue.
See lessA possible edit could be:
In order to save his Indian girlfriend from an imminent arranged marriage, an American high school teacher plans to kidnap his girlfriend from her strict cultural family, only to find he has been tricked by his Indian student and colleagues.
Still stuck in their rebellious college phase, a mid 30’s guy and girl best friends are forced to finally enter adulthood when the guy’s short term girlfriend becomes unexpectedly pregnant.
Dig it, leaning towards: “Two thirtysomething ex-coed partygoers are on a collision course with adulthood when one of their flings unexpectedly ends up pregnant” Take care.
Dig it, leaning towards:
“Two thirtysomething ex-coed partygoers are on a collision course with adulthood when one of their flings unexpectedly ends up pregnant”
Take care.
See less