1. Posted: October 24, 2015In:

    When a disheartened pastor?s one-time love turned?risqu??reality star whirls back into his small town, he?risks his job by joining the cast of her reality show in hopes of winning her back.

    Knightrider Mentor

    I like it, there are some hints to the conflict that might occur as you can imagine the situations that may challenge his faith, his commitment to this person ... Especially if the show was like a Bachelor combined with America's Next Top Model so have he is almost living in a world of sin. My onlyRead more

    I like it, there are some hints to the conflict that might occur as you can imagine the situations that may challenge his faith, his commitment to this person … Especially if the show was like a Bachelor combined with America’s Next Top Model so have he is almost living in a world of sin.

    My only nitpick might be losing a job may not be high enough stakes, granted this case job is tied to faith and losing that is a big deal.

    So it might be an interesting twist that his faith is restored by a group of people he’d thought he’d hate a bit like Miss Congeniality.

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  2. Posted: October 23, 2015In:

    A reclusive ornithologist finds his life turned upside down when everybody mistakes him for his namesake famous secret agent. He must escape dangerous people and evil henchmen to stop the villain before his plan destroys the habitat of an extremely rare bird.

    Adam Bernstr?m Samurai

    Thanks again Nir Shelter. The idea was that he kills two birds with one stone, as it were. By stopping the villain's plans for world domination he also saves the bird's habitat, or vice versa. I guess that wasn't clear enough either. Basically his priorities might be a bit askew ? caring more for thRead more

    Thanks again Nir Shelter.

    The idea was that he kills two birds with one stone, as it were. By stopping the villain’s plans for world domination he also saves the bird’s habitat, or vice versa. I guess that wasn’t clear enough either. Basically his priorities might be a bit askew ? caring more for the birds than people ? in the beginning, but storytelling is about change occurring in the protagonist, so obviously he gets the priorities right in the end. I guess that could be more clearly stated in the logline.

    I suppose I could try to bake the space opera nature of it in with the goal, just ?as long as it doesn’t make the logline even longer than it is.

    I was going to have him travel to a certain planet to find and study a totally fictional type of bird, the Volcano Phoenix, which lays its eggs in a volcano and the eggs only hatch when there’s an eruption, only that can’t happen since the villain has built his secret lair in the volcano.

    I think I may have to work on the logline some more.

    Thank you dpg. I like your version.

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  3. Posted: October 11, 2015In:

    When a womanizing porn-star’s penis falls off due to a spell cast on him by his possessive porn-star wife he must undo the spell before the biggest shoot of his career and save his relationship.

    andrewclau Logliner

    Thank you for the feedback guys, gives me a lot to think about. In terms of outer?journeys?is undoing the spell not strong enough an outer goal? This?is too vague?

    Thank you for the feedback guys, gives me a lot to think about. In terms of outer?journeys?is undoing the spell not strong enough an outer goal? This?is too vague?

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