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When a YouTube video ridiculing his attempt to feed off a millennial makes him a laughing stock, an ageing vampire rallies his fellow ageing monsters to remember their roots and terrify the community until mankind dare not venture out after dark.
"When he becomes a laughing stock on youtube; after being pranked by the millennials he was trying to feed on, an aging vampire rallies his brethren,? inserts?his dentures and goes to war with his soy eating, beta harassers."
“When he becomes a laughing stock on youtube; after being pranked by the millennials he was trying to feed on, an aging vampire rallies his brethren,? inserts?his dentures and goes to war with his soy eating, beta harassers.”
See lessWhen his son demonstrates prodigious Connect 4 skills, a father who was always second-best reconnects with his hyper-competitive family to train the boy and regain the title he lost from their fierce rival family in the quadrennial competition
Agreed with all the above comments. I'll add that the wording in the logline is confusing - the chain of events is vague. As you mention two families in the one sentence, it's not immediately clear which is which. Secondly, the use of so many adjectives reduces their individual values. Often when thRead more
Agreed with all the above comments.
I’ll add that the wording in the logline is confusing – the chain of events is vague.
See lessAs you mention two families in the one sentence, it’s not immediately clear which is which. Secondly, the use of so many adjectives reduces their individual values. Often when the premise isn’t generating enough conflict or high enough stakes, the writer uses adjectives as a means to boost the impact of the individual components. And this logline has that very same problem.
When a dedicated Cupid is forced to swap jobs with a despondent Genie, he must complete both assignments on his own to save their jobs and their immortality.
I think you must specify the jobs of the characters rather than the character. Stating Genie and Cupid swapping jobs does not make clear what their job is. You just need to add 'assignment of ..... (E.g, granting a set of 7 dragon balls and making Vegeta love Bulma. Haha) Specifying the jobs will maRead more
I think you must specify the jobs of the characters rather than the character. Stating Genie and Cupid swapping jobs does not make clear what their job is. You just need to add ‘assignment of ….. (E.g, granting a set of 7 dragon balls and making Vegeta love Bulma. Haha) Specifying the jobs will make your dramatic premise and inciting incident clear.
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