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  1. Posted: May 9, 2018In: Comedy

    A man having an affair with a married woman discovers his wife is having an affair with her husband.

    etatsecond Logliner
    Added an answer on May 19, 2018 at 10:43 am

    It sound interesting a comedy about that. You have a plot point but not the protagonist's motivation... what should he do? what must he do? Why did he do that?? You can add an adjective? that answer that, for example; a stressed man or a party man. I hope I helped.

    It sound interesting a comedy about that. You have a plot point but not the protagonist’s motivation… what should he do? what must he do? Why did he do that?? You can add an adjective? that answer that, for example; a stressed man or a party man. I hope I helped.

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  2. Posted: December 7, 2017In: Comedy

    When a young woman falls in love with a pet shop worker, she must escape her animal cult family.

    etatsecond Logliner
    Added an answer on May 19, 2018 at 8:02 am

    it sounds great a comedy about that, but the cult is a group of people who kill animals? or people who love animals? I don't get it. I think? you should write the protagonist's risk, for example: ... She must escapes from her animal cult family before her animals are trapped. (sorry for my english,Read more

    it sounds great a comedy about that, but the cult is a group of people who kill animals? or people who love animals? I don’t get it.
    I think? you should write the protagonist’s risk, for example: … She must escapes from her animal cult family before her animals are trapped.
    (sorry for my english, It is not very good)

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  3. Posted: April 24, 2018In: Comedy

    when his highschool bully returns, a stuck-in-home-town loser must prove his competence by kicking his ass in the duel he proposed and save his family name

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 25, 2018 at 11:39 pm

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully -- instead of run away -- if he's going to impress her. "Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman." -- George Balanchine fwiw

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully — instead of run away — if he’s going to impress her.

    “Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman.” — George Balanchine

    fwiw

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