1. Posted: November 10, 2019In: ,

    A good cop working as a mole to bring down a mobster and a corrupt cop working as a mole for the mobster struggle to unmask each other.

    dpg Singularity

    thedarkhourse:My first version was exactly as you suggested.However, I believe that a logline should be immediately and entirely clear on the first read. An industry reader should not have to read a logline more than once to? understand what the story is about.? Maybe most readers would immediatelyRead more

    thedarkhourse:

    My first version was exactly as you suggested.

    However, I believe that a logline should be immediately and entirely clear on the first read. An industry reader should not have to read a logline more than once to? understand what the story is about.? Maybe most readers would immediately understand the story concept with the version you suggested.? But just in case, as an insurance policy, I opted to pad my version with two more words for the sake of clarity.? It is certainly arguable that my padding was superfluous.

    regards

    ?

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  2. Posted: October 10, 2019In:

    O assassino dos meus sonhos

    dpg Singularity

    [Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.] Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linhaRead more

    [Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.]

    Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linha de log (em ingl?s), eis como eu posso escrever isso:

    Depois de testemunhar o suic?dio de um assassino em s?rie, um jovem policial come?a a ter sonhos que revelam onde os corpos est?o enterrados. Agora ele deve …

    … fazer o que? Qual ? o objetivo dele como resultado de ser afligido por esses sonhos?

    Se voc? incluir uma resposta para essa pergunta (no menor n?mero poss?vel de palavras), acho que voc? ter? uma linha de log e um gr?fico vencedores.

    Espero que isso fa?a sentido e ajude. Muitas felicidades para este script.

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  3. Posted: June 3, 2019In:

    On the verge of taking his own life, a detective will have to get back on his feet to investigate the disappearance of his neglected daughter

    kpetrakis01 Logliner

    What if he had been fired from his job, so no resources? Did the kidnapper send him a personal message - ie is her disappearance his fault from an old case? How old is his daughter?? Why is he suicidal - failed job, failed marriage? I think this can work with just more detail.   A washed up divRead more

    What if he had been fired from his job, so no resources? Did the kidnapper send him a personal message – ie is her disappearance his fault from an old case? How old is his daughter?? Why is he suicidal – failed job, failed marriage? I think this can work with just more detail.

     

    A washed up divorced detective is forced into retirement until he discovers his estranged 15 year old daughter is missing and the police have no clues.? Maybe? Needs a greater obstacle I think…

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