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O assassino dos meus sonhos
[Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.] Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linhaRead more
[Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.]
Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linha de log (em ingl?s), eis como eu posso escrever isso:
Depois de testemunhar o suic?dio de um assassino em s?rie, um jovem policial come?a a ter sonhos que revelam onde os corpos est?o enterrados. Agora ele deve …
… fazer o que? Qual ? o objetivo dele como resultado de ser afligido por esses sonhos?
Se voc? incluir uma resposta para essa pergunta (no menor n?mero poss?vel de palavras), acho que voc? ter? uma linha de log e um gr?fico vencedores.
Espero que isso fa?a sentido e ajude. Muitas felicidades para este script.
See lessOn the verge of taking his own life, a detective will have to get back on his feet to investigate the disappearance of his neglected daughter
What if he had been fired from his job, so no resources? Did the kidnapper send him a personal message - ie is her disappearance his fault from an old case? How old is his daughter?? Why is he suicidal - failed job, failed marriage? I think this can work with just more detail. A washed up divRead more
What if he had been fired from his job, so no resources? Did the kidnapper send him a personal message – ie is her disappearance his fault from an old case? How old is his daughter?? Why is he suicidal – failed job, failed marriage? I think this can work with just more detail.
A washed up divorced detective is forced into retirement until he discovers his estranged 15 year old daughter is missing and the police have no clues.? Maybe? Needs a greater obstacle I think…
See lessAn ambitious blogger lands a legit writing gig with a large publishing firm the only problem is her first story , the subject is a wealthy philanthropist with a surprising secret. ?His associates grow nervous about the nosy news lady uncovering potentially damaging information regarding financial improprieties. With a deadline closing in she discovers there is a bounty on her head.
A logline is a concise summary of the story in its entirety using (ideally) no more than 40 words phrased as a single sentence. At 61 words and comprising of 3 sentences, I'd recommend checking out the Formula page (link in the top nav) or, better yet, try out the logline generator to help come up wRead more
A logline is a concise summary of the story in its entirety using (ideally) no more than 40 words phrased as a single sentence.
At 61 words and comprising of 3 sentences, I’d recommend checking out the Formula page (link in the top nav) or, better yet, try out the logline generator to help come up with a 1 sentence logline.
So she’s been given a job writing a book(?) about a wealthy philanthropist. I’m guessing she doesn’t have permission to do this? I feel like a book is a bit of a stretch and for a crime thriller (which I imagine this is) the shorter the time frame, the more potential you have for a thrill. Personally, I’d change her to be a journalist who uncovers a secret about the wealthy philanthropist she’s doing a positive story about. Have it so that she was commissioned by the philanthropist (or their agent) to write a nice piece about all the good work this guy does in the community. The paper she works for is being paid a substantial amount of money and given exclusive access for this piece. When she uncovers this secret, she’s caught between uncovering the truth – her natural instinct as a reporter – and the the knowledge that the paper will lose all that money and she may even lose her job. Dilemma. Then, as dpg said, MPR, she discovers she has a bounty on her head. So now she has to not only uncover the truth but also stay alive in order to do it.
As dpg also pointed out, the hook (the secret) is an important element and since it’s likely to happen as part of Act I, we do need a little more information to understand the story as a whole. This secret has to be big enough to warrant her risking her life.
Hope this helps.
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