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  1. Posted: May 14, 2018In: Crime

    Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on May 17, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    "...Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?..." - Yes. As previously noted, there's no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that's what he is) and the goal is very negative."...these are not heroic characters..." - This begs the questionRead more

    “…Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?…” – Yes. As previously noted, there’s no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that’s what he is) and the goal is very negative.

    “…these are not heroic characters…” – This begs the question, why should the audience want to follow these characters? And to that matter, why would any decision maker, in their right mind, want to finance the project?

    You seem to be either misunderstanding or ignoring the definitions set out under the ‘Formula’ tab up top. You need an event to motivate the MC, that means that instead of having your MC “…develop(s) an obsession online…” you need him to be moved by something that happens in the world. For example, his family could be killed in a war-torn Middle Eastern country by British troops or something of the sorts.

    Not sure how the “…a maniacal and violently motivated con-women…” fits into the logline, it’s his story, not hers – her description seems extraneous and unnecessary. Young people are being radicalised all over the world by men and women most of which are maniacal con-people in their own way – they con others to do their dirty deads. Remove her from the logline and the story doesn’t change, which means you need to remove her from the logline.

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  2. Posted: April 10, 2018In: Crime

    After a rape victim loses in court from the suspect?s influential family, she emerges as the leader of “broken”, a group of similar cases prepared to bring justice by necessary evil

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on April 11, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    If this is a film, I suggest you specify her taking the law into her own hands with a view to punishing her attacker and her attacker only. Otherwise, you're setting up a situation that never ends which makes this better suited as a series instead. She's the Dexter of rapes, and I think her story woRead more

    If this is a film, I suggest you specify her taking the law into her own hands with a view to punishing her attacker and her attacker only. Otherwise, you’re setting up a situation that never ends which makes this better suited as a series instead.

    She’s the Dexter of rapes, and I think her story would make for a great film if she goes after her own rapist and her own rapist only, otherwise, you’ll have a massive can of worms on your hands. Richiev’s rewrite suggestion works well, it cleans up some of the wording and redundancies.

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  3. Posted: April 7, 2018In: Crime

    When an innocent prisoner becomes a criminal on his failed attempt to break out of jail, it’s upto his freed partner-in-crime to prove his innocence and take false blame during their jail break

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 7, 2018 at 8:59 am

    As Richiev said.It's difficult for me to sort out what the story is really about.? The fact that both of them start out in jail means they are at least accused of being guilty of some crime -- otherwise why would they be in jail?

    As Richiev said.

    It’s difficult for me to sort out what the story is really about.? The fact that both of them start out in jail means they are at least accused of being guilty of some crime — otherwise why would they be in jail?

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