1. Posted: October 10, 2017In:

    A teenager released from juvie sets his mind on clean living, only to find that his rural towns factory has outsourced and the local kingpin has taken over turning all the desperate townsfolk into criminals. (Episodic Series)

    dpg Singularity

    Loglines are about what characters do, not about lessons they learn.? So in your pilot episode, what is the immediate inciting incident and what does your main character do about it?? What becomes her or his objective goal?A gold standard model for structuring the pilot plot of a series is "BreakingRead more

    Loglines are about what characters do, not about lessons they learn.? So in your pilot episode, what is the immediate inciting incident and what does your main character do about it?? What becomes her or his objective goal?

    A gold standard model for structuring the pilot plot of a series is “Breaking Away”.? A logline for the? episode launching the series might be written as:? “When a milquetoast high school chemistry teacher? is diagnosed with incurable cancer (inciting incident), he starts manufacturing meth to earn enough money to provide for his family after he’s dead (objective goal).”

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 7, 2017In:

    logline critique

    dpg Singularity

    >>A mentally troubled cop,...Vague, can cover any and every disorder or mood.? Please be specific.>>> obsessed with a kidnapping victim from his first murder case, struggles to keep her aliveOn the first read, it seemed confusing.? I had to read it again to sort it out, something a loRead more

    >>A mentally troubled cop,…

    Vague, can cover any and every disorder or mood.? Please be specific.

    >>> obsessed with a kidnapping victim from his first murder case, struggles to keep her alive

    On the first read, it seemed confusing.? I had to read it again to sort it out, something a logline should never have a reader do. Most loglines are only going to one quick pass in 10-12 seconds by a producer, director or agent.? If it isn’t immediately and obviously clear, they aren’t going to read it twice, they’ll just move on to the next one.

    There may be a murder involved in setting up the dramatic problem,? the spine of the plot.? But the spine of the plot, the throughline of the action,? seems to be about rescuing a victim of a kidnapping.? I suggest focusing on that in the logline.

    >>>as he finds that the kidnapper is closer than he thinks.

    Seems to be a spoiler.? Loglines should never reveal the Big Reveal.? And a “come to find out” story moment is understood to be an essential story element in crime genre.? So there is no need to expend words flogging what is expected of the genre.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 3, 2017In:

    While on vacation, a high-time thief spots a 1000 year-old birchbark canoe where he sets out a plan to do one more heist before he retires and while doing so stumbles across an asian group who will stop at nothing to protect the priceless artifact.

    Best Answer
    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    High-time thieves target canoes? Lol

    High-time thieves target canoes? Lol

    See less
    • 0