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  1. Posted: September 24, 2015In: Crime

    An insecure process server becomes the target of a serial killer and teams up with a private investigator to catch the killer and regains his self confidence.

    steveylang Samurai
    Added an answer on September 25, 2015 at 1:43 am

    Yes, I would get rid of the "regains his self-confidence" part, mainly because your description of the protagonist as "insecure" implies the inner journey he'll be taking anyway. Also, now you have room to describe the actual story more. Either why he is a target, or what kind of serial killer it isRead more

    Yes, I would get rid of the “regains his self-confidence” part, mainly because your description of the protagonist as “insecure” implies the inner journey he’ll be taking anyway.

    Also, now you have room to describe the actual story more. Either why he is a target, or what kind of serial killer it is (which might suggest why the protagonist is a target). You might also want to attach an adjective to the PI if there’s a buddy relationship that is explored. Maybe he’s hardened, volatile, disillusioned, risk-taking, whatever…

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