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After being beating up because of his lack of social skills, a college student with Asperger’s syndrome decides to shoot his classmates and professor.
New version.... The End.
New version…. The End.
See lessA dominatrix and control freak of a public defender spends her off time stripping to support her 3 kids but when her extra curricular activities put her at risk of getting disbarred, shes no longer sure if she?s flying or falling with style
A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II. You've given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she's at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it? Scrap the "flying or falling with style bit" -Read more
A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II.
You’ve given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she’s at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it?
Scrap the “flying or falling with style bit” – it means nothing in a logline as it doesn’t tell me anything about the plot. Merely that she’s in a predicament and she doesn’t know what to do. Think of it this way: If I asked you to imagine someone who was “no longer sure if she was flying or falling with style” would you be interested in what you saw? Or would you just be picturing a woman thinking?
The inciting incident here is being discovered that she strips for extra cash. This, coupled with the fact she’s an attorney is great. Stick with it! As it stands though, this is just the inciting incident:
“When a well-respected judge discovers she’s a part-time stripper putting her career at risk, a struggling public defender and mother must…”
This isn’t great, but it gives us a primary antagonist – a physical figure who can represent the antagonistic views ?of society with her choices – and sets her up so we know who she is, why she does it, and what she stands to lose.
We don’t need to know it’s 3 kids – she’s a mother so that’ll do. The dominatrix and control freak bit… it’s interesting but, personally, I would either go with “dominatrix” or “stripper”. I think dominatrix is potentially more interesting and less cliche.
Definitely an interesting situation so keep going with this one.
See lessA group of childhood abuse survivors goes on a downward spiral when they come together to share stories and heal.
Having read quite a few of your entries I?ve noticed most (if not all) of said entries have been under 25 words so I want to make it known that when it comes to writing Loglines don?t be afraid of going over 25 words. A Logline I recently wrote took me 58 words to explain the idea?to myself,?and inRead more
Having read quite a few of your entries I?ve noticed most (if not all) of said entries have been under 25 words so I want to make it known that when it comes to writing Loglines don?t be afraid of going over 25 words.
A Logline I recently wrote took me 58 words to explain the idea?to myself,?and in doing so I came out with a better understand the scope of my the overall story. From there I whittled that down to 40 odd words, then 35 odd and eventually down to 26 words. I found my favourite version of said Logline was 32 words long and I would not have known that if I didn?t push my Logline past the 25 word boundary.
When it comes to Loglines be aware that there are?2 Different Types of Loglines: One that you will use? during the planning/writing phase and one you will use for marketing purposes. I call the former a?Working Logline?and the latter the?Logline Pitch.
My 58 word behemoth would be an example of a Working Logline (of which I have refined said 32 words).
My 26 word Logline on the other hand could very well be my Logline Pitch. Chances are if you were sending your work to a film festival or an agent there could be a 25 word cut-out, so with the elimination of one word I have myself a marketable Logline.
With this I have two distinct pitches: a personal one that makes sense to me and a marketable version that makes sense to everyone (and/or target audience).
Where I?m going at with this is that you can break the rules, but it is most important that you learn and understand the rules. So break the rules, make it unconventional, and learn how the rules work because good writers are good editors, but even the best editor cannot work on a blank page.
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