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A terminal twenty-something comedienne who sacrificed her social life for unfulfilled stardom struggles to dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse so she won’t have to die alone.
"terminal twenty-something female comedienne" = protagonist "unfulfilled stardom" = inciting incident? "dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse" = main character goal Love the use of high concept in this logline - Doubtfire MEETS Fault in our Stars really activates theRead more
“terminal twenty-something female comedienne” = protagonist
“unfulfilled stardom” = inciting incident?
“dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse” = main character goal
Love the use of high concept in this logline – Doubtfire MEETS Fault in our Stars really activates the imagination. However, unfortunately struggling to match the characters up – obviously our 20 year old comedienne isn’t played by Mrs. Doubtfire!
If this were my logline, I’d go deeper on the inciting incident. “Unfulfilled stardom” is more of a character quality, than an actual event. Think “BOOM” -> something happens to this character – expected or unexpected – but their life is about to change, and change in a major way. The clue might be in what our impractical gigolo does to said comedienne. In other words, what is the major event that causes her to become a nurse?
See lessAs a compulsive gambler watches a game that could erase his huge debt to a dangerous bookie, he thinks about how he got to this point and everything he has at stake.
"compulsive gambler" = protagonist "watches a game" = inciting incident "erase his huge debt" = story goal "a dangerous bookie" = villain All the key ingredients for a logline are here, yet something feels missing. And it might be in the sentence ".. thinks about how he got to this point ..." NothinRead more
“compulsive gambler” = protagonist
“watches a game” = inciting incident
“erase his huge debt” = story goal
“a dangerous bookie” = villain
All the key ingredients for a logline are here, yet something feels missing. And it might be in the sentence “.. thinks about how he got to this point …”
Nothing is more boring for audiences, than to watch a character sit there – thinking. Film Directors shout ACTION! for a reason, and it’s because a character’s action, is (yes, you guessed it) an expression of CHARACTER.
So, the question is, what is our gambler friend going to do? Run, hide, rob a bank, murder a loved one … it’s your story, you decide, but what they do, determines who they are. Courageous or weak? Smart or dumb? Honest or Dishonest? These are the qualities which will fate the character. And more importantly, determine the story’s character arc.
See lessTwo British academicians, a Christian girl and a Muslim Pakistani man fall in love with each other and decide to live together but an appalling incident changes their lives forever.
The logline doesn't make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an "appalling incident" is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It's not clear.
The logline doesn’t make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an “appalling incident” is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It’s not clear.
See less