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After a heated fallout with her former band mate, a determined singer signs a deal with a ruthless CEO unknowingly in the gangster lifestyle, who fills her head with promises and solo stardom, as she forms a greed dictated rivalry with her formal partner that culminates to tragedy.
You need to pare down the premise to find the center of your story. For example, the inciting incident is probably not the singer's fallout with her old band, but the signing of the contract with the mobster, who by the way will be either a "promoter" or a "producer" and, for an unknown singer, defiRead more
You need to pare down the premise to find the center of your story. For example, the inciting incident is probably not the singer’s fallout with her old band, but the signing of the contract with the mobster, who by the way will be either a “promoter” or a “producer” and, for an unknown singer, definitely not a CEO.? As for the tragedy, be more specific. Different people have different understanding of what constitutes a tragedy. Did the promoter have the ambitious singer’s competitor/friend murdered to smooth the way for her rise? Or does the promoter pump her full will drugs during her rise and leaves her in the gutter, having stolen all her money?
Deborah_b suggest concentrating on the rivalry. If you want to go that route, you need two strong characters. The singer you have as the MC and one in the old band. In that case, the promoter’s role will be reduced and could probably be left out of the logline in favor of some information about the rival.
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Your version 2.0 is way clearer and is definitely giving me a better vision of your story. The last clause (about the deceptive roommate) feels like it's a different beat to the rest, somehow. Maybe because a specific antagonist is included here, whereas the other challenges are less specific? So maRead more
Your version 2.0 is way clearer and is definitely giving me a better vision of your story.
The last clause (about the deceptive roommate) feels like it’s a different beat to the rest, somehow. Maybe because a specific antagonist is included here, whereas the other challenges are less specific?
So maybe, as a suggestion, you can drill down to your protag’s goal and then expand out from there:
A Vietnam vet fights to get his life in order while dealing with a corrupt welfare system and the deceptions of former friends.
Mine example’s a bit lame, but hopefully you can see what I mean. With some brainstorming around what’s most prominent in your story for you, you’ll definitely get this thing in shape.
Thanks for sharing your updates — love watching people brainstorm and re-work their concepts. Kudos.
See lessA public defender doubles as a private dominatrix to support her family, but when a lonely, corrupt judge finds out she must sexually and emotionally satisfy a man with the power to ruin her life.
Fantastic premise. So much potential but if she is a dominatrix why would she be averse to dominating the judge?
Fantastic premise. So much potential but if she is a dominatrix why would she be averse to dominating the judge?
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