1. Posted: February 28, 2020In:

    When an ex-soldier comes to meet his son who was born of rape during the war, he must convince the mother (the woman he raped) that his intentions are clear. (SHORT FILM)

    variable Uberwriter

    - when an ex soldier comes to meet his son..This is not the inciting incident, else the mother would've been the protagonist. Why made him want to meet his son? We need to know what's at stake, especially when the protagonist has been a rapist

    – when an ex soldier comes to meet his son..

    This is not the inciting incident, else the mother would’ve been the protagonist. Why made him want to meet his son? We need to know what’s at stake, especially when the protagonist has been a rapist

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  2. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    When a Papuan native girl enters service in Sydney and meets a spoiled rich boy who becomes seriously ill, she must convince him that to survive he must adopt an ancient native tradition.

    dpg Singularity

    Re:? After a spoilt, sophisticated graduate becomes seriously ill, he must change his life view when a Papuan native girl demonstrates that his only chance for survival rests on a holistic treatment in her village. The latest revision leads with the guy instead of the girl.? Which raises the questioRead more

    Re:? After a spoilt, sophisticated graduate becomes seriously ill, he must change his life view when a Papuan native girl demonstrates that his only chance for survival rests on a holistic treatment in her village.

    The latest revision leads with the guy instead of the girl.? Which raises the question:? who owns this story vehicle?? Who is in the driver’s seat of the plot?? Even in the rewrite, it seems that the protagonist is the girl, not the guy.? She is the character who should be in the lead of the logline .

    In all the versions, the native girl is a steadfast character; that is, she doesn’t undergo a dramatic arc of change.? It’s the rich boy who changes dramatically, as he must because of the stakes: he’s the one facing a life and death health crisis.

    The usual rule is that the protagonist should have a character arc, a flaw or personal problem that requires a dramatic change.? But that rule is a guideline, not an ironclad, inviolate dramatic law.? It’s perfectly legit for some other character to own the character arc as long as that character has a significant relationship with the protagonist.? Which is certainly the case here.

     

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  3. Posted: February 24, 2020In:

    After finally arriving home after months in hospital with leukemia, a pragmatic pharmaceutical statistician struggles with ?normal? life as he builds himself back up to running 10k races again.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Crystalise the goal of running in a single event. Make him want to compete in a specific marathon or win it, otherwise, building himself up is an ongoing ambition, not a goal. Also, it would be better to word it so that one particular event motivated him to do so. After a near-death experience, or aRead more

    Crystalise the goal of running in a single event. Make him want to compete in a specific marathon or win it, otherwise, building himself up is an ongoing ambition, not a goal.

    Also, it would be better to word it so that one particular event motivated him to do so. After a near-death experience, or after surviving cancer…

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