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An outcast sea snail goes against his predatorial upbringing to find a new life with his biological rivals; the soldier crabs.
You didn't add the major story elements we recommended. Study the comments above, and perhaps other posts on this site, to get a better understanding of what we're talking about.In short, a logline needs to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events that starts at the inciting incident and endsRead more
You didn’t add the major story elements we recommended. Study the comments above, and perhaps other posts on this site, to get a better understanding of what we’re talking about.
In short, a logline needs to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events that starts at the inciting incident and ends with a goal. “…an altercation with his father…” could be an inciting incident, but in this case it isn’t directly related to his goal (which is also too vague to count as a goal by the way), that makes it not part of the same sequence of events – in other words, this isn’t a very good inciting incident.
What does “…find a new life…” mean in rpractical terms? A new house? New friends? Be more specific.
Consider Nemo, after a little argument with his father he’s whisked away, by accident, far from his home. The inciting incident was not the argument with his father but getting lost was. As a result of getting lost, his father had to go on a quest — all together now — Finding Nemo.
See lessDuring a civil war, an arrogant music teacher must lead her chaotic children’s choir to safety through music and games.
It reminds me of an old (very old) black and white French movie. During the occupation, a young friar hides a Jewish family into a catholic school. The school boy choir is used as entertainment for the German troops. The young friar has to teach the Jewish kids all the Christian songs. If I rememberRead more
It reminds me of an old (very old) black and white French movie.
During the occupation, a young friar hides a Jewish family into a catholic school.
The school boy choir is used as entertainment for the German troops. The young friar has to teach the Jewish kids all the Christian songs. If I remember correctly, at the end it is revealed that the kids have survived, but that the friar died in a concentration camp.
That is a story that an still be retold in a war setting: Balkan war, Iraq, Syrian, RDC civil wars. A teacher uses games to shield children from the atrocities of their situation. Music can be used as a bargaining chip for their survival.
I like your Logline, I would just change the adjective describing the teacher from arrogant to pampered. Used to good life suddenly thrown in chaos and misery because of her job and the children situation.
During a civil war, a pampered music teacher must manage an orphanage shield the children from the war atrocities while negotiating neutral ground with all warring parties.
See lesstwo elderly ladies rooming together at a nursing home becomes best friends regardless of their odd personalities.
>>>>Is either one of the women more of a central character?It's the story of a relationship, an Odd Couple match up.? ?I don't think it's necessary to tag one of them as the central character. At the center of the plot is a relationship, not a particular character.
>>>>Is either one of the women more of a central character?
It’s the story of a relationship, an Odd Couple match up.? ?I don’t think it’s necessary to tag one of them as the central character. At the center of the plot is a relationship, not a particular character.
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