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A spunky, plump girl pursues her quest to win a beauty-pageant, and in the process her family unite and each transforms into his/her higher self.
The logline has the makings for an interesting story, ?a character with a dream and a flaw that seems to prevent her from attaining it.However, a logline is about objective goals (winning the beauty pageant), not subjective needs (transforms into his/her higher self). ?And a logline should never conRead more
The logline has the makings for an interesting story, ?a character with a dream and a flaw that seems to prevent her from attaining it.
However, a logline is about objective goals (winning the beauty pageant), not subjective needs (transforms into his/her higher self). ?And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a give away as to how the story ends.
So:
A spunky but plump girl pursues her dream of winning a beauty pageant.
Or to enhance the dramatic conflict, maybe something like:
A spunky but plump girl pursues her dream of winning a beauty pageant in spite of universal ridicule and rejection.
(Yes, all may end well, and her family may rally around her in the end, but for maximum dramatic effect, ?the story needs to start from a baseline of opposition, ridicule, rejection on the part of family, friends, strangers–everyone.)
fwiw
See lessA rebellious teen?s family goes missing. During her search for them, she uncovers a government conspiracy to end all religion.
I still ?am unable to buy the the premise that the protagonist is the 1st one to discover a government plot to suppress all religion. ?That doesn't make sense. ?In every instance in history where a government set out to suppress religion, everyone darn well knew about it.What's the trick that enableRead more
I still ?am unable to buy the the premise that the protagonist is the 1st one to discover a government plot to suppress all religion. ?That doesn’t make sense. ?In every instance in history where a government set out to suppress religion, everyone darn well knew about it.
What’s the trick that enables the big bad government in this scenario to suppress all religions ?– and no one knows about it until the kid stumbles upon it.
But, if I could buy into the premise, what becomes the teen’s objective goal when he discovers it? ?What must he do about it?
And since he’s a rebellious teen, the logical conclusion is that he isn’t scrupulous about walking the strait and narrow path of righteousness himself. ?So why would he care if all religion is being suppressed? What are the personal stakes for him?
See lessWhen a man with ASL disease takes his two tech obsessed teenage boys on a boys to men initiation ceremony, he is forced to disclose his deepest desire to take his own life.
I believe the significance of the boys being tech geeks is that they are adverse to spending time in nature living off the land. I agree with DPG, there's a lot missing here and possibly confusing the concept. The father's goal is not clear, and traditionally suicidal MCs are less effective.?In my mRead more
I believe the significance of the boys being tech geeks is that they are adverse to spending time in nature living off the land.
See lessI agree with DPG, there’s a lot missing here and possibly confusing the concept. The father’s goal is not clear, and traditionally suicidal MCs are less effective.?In my mind one of the boys could be the MC, and his goal could be to prevent the father from killing himself.