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A civil engineer saved a worker life during casting a Dam, but he slipped inside the reinforcement cage and trapped there. With walkie-talkie and 45 minutes the Civil Engineer have to clarify his care to his family and friends.
My two-cents would be to add a sympathetic flaw to the protagonist. What makes us (the audience) want to root for him during the runtime? Is he lonely? Is he a family man? Is he young? Hope this helps.
My two-cents would be to add a sympathetic flaw to the protagonist. What makes us (the audience) want to root for him during the runtime? Is he lonely? Is he a family man? Is he young? Hope this helps.
See lessRevised Logline…A young, bot obsessed girl, from an Australian/ Muslim family is a finalist for a Robotics Competition, but when her volatile, dysfunctional family smash her robot, she must rebuild it and her family to compete in a game that will put her to the ultimate test.
In the context of the protagonist's family, recent immigrants to a strange new land, ?traditions would be everything . ?That's the aspect of the story that most engages my interest, ?the clash between modernity and tradition, the old and the new. ? It's an authentic complication, a major obstacle thRead more
In the context of the protagonist’s family, recent immigrants to a strange new land, ?traditions would be everything . ?That’s the aspect of the story that most engages my interest, ?the clash between modernity and tradition, the old and the new. ? It’s an authentic complication, a major obstacle the protagonist will have to clear in her quest to go to college. ?It’s what differentiates the story, sets it apart from other stories of young women struggling to go to college.
My take:
After her father destroys her entry into a university robotics competition, an immigrant girl from a?traditional Muslim family defies her parents to build a second one to win an engineering scholarship.
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This is a film I would like to see. ?Best wishes with your script.
See lessRevised Logline….When a 12yr old robot obsessed girl learns she is a finalist in a National Robotics Championship she must convince her family to move interstate and prove to her Muslim father that she is worthy of his love by winning a scholarship.
Good re write, the events have been streamlined to fit with in a unity?of action, however the causal connections between them is still too weak. I don't see how her family's country of origin, unless they actually do live in Afghanistan, has anything to do with this?story. The only logical connectioRead more
Good re write, the events have been streamlined to fit with in a unity?of action, however the causal connections between them is still too weak.
I don’t see how her family’s country of origin, unless they actually do live in Afghanistan, has anything to do with this?story. The only logical connection I can make is the promise of an obstacle – by defining her as an Afghan girl and describing her goal as Canberra, you give her a huge obstacle she must travel half way across the world in addition to building an award winning robot. Big obstacles are good?and make the concept more interesting, but?I think you mean that her family is originally from Afghanistan and?live in Australia. If this is so it’s not being communicated in the logline.
If all she has to do in the story is fix her robot, there isn’t much action for act 2 – what’s stopping her from fixing the robot?
The scholarship goal is vague, how does it relate to building a robot? Perhaps this needs to be explained in more detail such as a robotics competition to win a scholarship at the ANU’s robotics degree.
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