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  1. Posted: May 25, 2016In: Family

    When a solitary 11 year old 3D prints himself, he must defend his ?twin? against a dodgy businessman who will go to any lengths to get his hands on the clone, including kidnap, blackmail and murder.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on May 26, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    I think one of the problems with this logline is that the story has no clear end point, as it is now, the boy will just keep on hiding his clone indefinitely. But the question is; how will he know he has achieved his goal of keeping his clone safe? I also think the other big problem is that there arRead more

    I think one of the problems with this logline is that the story has no clear end point, as it is now, the boy will just keep on hiding his clone indefinitely. But the question is; how will he know he has achieved his goal of keeping his clone safe?

    I also think the other big problem is that there are no clear stakes?in the action and events of the story, if the business man gets the clone the boy can just make another – after all, that’s the great thing about clones.

    I think best to re think the concept with a ‘do or die’ aspect to it, what must he achieve or else…

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  2. Posted: May 24, 2016In: Family

    When an 11 year old accidentally clones himself, he is swept up in an audacious plot to kidnap world leaders and must use all his ingenuity to save his father, his friends, his unexpected twin and the world.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on May 25, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    Having written a first draft doesn't eliminate the possibility of a second one - all scripts are re written. A logline should help you focus your next draft, and if it is hard to?clearly outline a plot in a logline it will be harder to do so in a whole script. Break it down to the cause and effect oRead more

    Having written a first draft doesn’t eliminate the possibility of a second one – all scripts are re written.
    A logline should help you focus your next draft, and if it is hard to?clearly outline a plot in a logline it will be harder to do so in a whole script.

    Break it down to the cause and effect of an inciting incident and goal:
    What happened to the boy that motivated?him to need to achieve his goal?
    What is his specific goal?

    If the answers to the above questions are made clear in the next logline, it will help you with re writing the script.

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  3. Posted: May 5, 2016In: Family

    When a local library begins shredding it’s books due to the popularity of e-readers, a limited edition copy of Macbeth must lead his Shakespearean archive to safety at the National Archive before they’re shredded too.

    Karel Segers Logliner
    Added an answer on May 7, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    I'd try not to use the word archive twice. i really like this premise, it feels that since MC is limited edition he feels he's entitled to lead the pack.

    I’d try not to use the word archive twice. i really like this premise, it feels that since MC is limited edition he feels he’s entitled to lead the pack.

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