1. Posted: February 24, 2016In:

    Son of an Indian couple – who deeply believes in Gandhian ideals of nonviolence, accidentally kills a powerful man to protect his father. While the family on run, the son and father fiercely stands against each other?s way to fight out the enemy.

    dpg Singularity

    So... the son has broken the father's Inviolate Rule about not resorting to violence.? That can be a source of ongoing conflict in the plot,?a moral debate between the father and son on how to deal with oppression and threats.? And I like stories with a strong moral argument, with equally legitimateRead more

    So… the son has broken the father’s Inviolate Rule about not resorting to violence.? That can be a source of ongoing conflict in the plot,?a moral debate between the father and son on how to deal with oppression and threats.? And I like stories with a strong moral argument, with equally legitimate claims or positions in headlong conflict.? But that’s a secondary story line, not the primary one.

    The primary story line?is what the son must do?about the more urgent problem of? the dead?man’s kin (and/or henchmen)?coming for?revenge.?? The logline doesn’t say.? It should.?

    As Nir Shelter said, the logline should focus on the primary story line which is?about?how ?the son intends to prevail against those who are out to? take revenge, to kill him..??The logline need not focus on the secondary story line, the?moral argument and discord?between father and son.

    So, how, specifically, does the son plan to fight for his life against those who seek to kill him?

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  2. Posted: January 22, 2016In:

    When a poor girl from Redfern learns her brother has died in the War, she must keep his memory alive by playing his favourite game- Rugby League. Trouble is, it’s 1921.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The first sentence in the logline is a long way of saying - After her brother is killed... Every word counts in a logline.The logline has a clear starting point and a powerful motivator - death of a sibling, however it doesn't describe a specific goal. What does playing his favorite game mean? PlayRead more

    The first sentence in the logline is a long way of saying – After her brother is killed…
    Every word counts in a logline.

    The logline has a clear starting point and a powerful motivator – death of a sibling, however it doesn’t describe a specific goal. What does playing his favorite game mean? Play for 1 minute? 5 minutes? Win the grand final? What is the specific goal the main character has in her sight?

    Secondly the logic that connects the inciting incident, motivation and goal is lost on me. Why must she play the game to keep his memory alive? Is there anything specific about her playing footy that will be clearly and directly connected to his memory? Perhaps she decides to hide his death from the game’s officials and then pose as her brother to get his name immortalized on the grand final trophy or sport hall of fame.

    Lastly period pieces are much more expensive to produce and are less likely to get made, why not rewrite it in modern day? Unfortunately war, racism and sexism are still around.

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  3. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    When a poor shoemaker in a small town finds a hammer that fixes everything, he start to fix things in exchange ofmoney, but people comes back with their things broken again, and he realise the spell doesn’t last forever, and only works one time, so he start to fix the things with his bare hands.

    Octavia Logliner

    I am really intrigued by this. There is a fairytale feel to it with all the magic and parable that entails. That said, the second half of this logline doesn't do it justice. Is there something he needs to learn, perhaps?

    I am really intrigued by this. There is a fairytale feel to it with all the magic and parable that entails.
    That said, the second half of this logline doesn’t do it justice. Is there something he needs to learn, perhaps?

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