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Following the mysterious disappearance of their community, a young fugitive and his animal companion must step out of the shadows in search of answers, embarking on a journey where revealing their identity and forbidden power could prove deadly.
Hi, isanatera! Right now this logline is too vague. Right now, it’s the seed of what will hopefully become a really good story. It tells us that the story has secrets, but doesn’t explain what makes those secrets interesting or unique. For example: You mention a mysterious disappearance of their comRead more
Hi, isanatera! Right now this logline is too vague. Right now, it’s the seed of what will hopefully become a really good story. It tells us that the story has secrets, but doesn’t explain what makes those secrets interesting or unique. For example:
You mention a mysterious disappearance of their community, but what exactly is their community? A village? A city? A group of forest animals (you said it’s a fantasy, so if the world is like Narnia, it could be plausible.)
Where is the community located? Urban city? Rural farmland? Way up high on remote mountains?
Animal companion? Is the companion a dog, cat, hamster, horse, Minotaur, etc.? Do they talk or no? What do they add to the story? Are they part of the reason why they are hunted?
What’s their forbidden power? Are they living in a village where he uses forbidden voodoo black magick, where their village normally bands such a practice? Are they psychic? Are they a superhero? Do they fly? Have super speed, etc.?
Prove deadly how? In what way? Executed by a regime? Being hunted by monsters? By losing their companion? By triggering a larger catastrophe?
There’s also no defining trait for the protagonist beyond the fact that he’s young. What’s his flaw? What’s his goal? What does he want? Why is this character the only one who can pursue the truth?
Here’s an example that hopefully helps get your creative juices flowing:
When an imperial purge erases his mountain clan, a teenage shapeshifter and his bonded wolf infiltrate the capital to expose the decree behind it, knowing discovery means public execution.
See lessabout an elderly samurai named Genjiro who doesn’t grow up? He gets taken in by his granddaughter and her partner. He has as a childhood friend and love interest a la Wendy Darling and she also rapidly ages. There’s a girl whom he shares advice with.
This isn't really a logline. The format would be: When [inciting event] occurs, a [character and their description] must [dynamic action] to overcome [obstacle].
This isn’t really a logline. The format would be: When [inciting event] occurs, a [character and their description] must [dynamic action] to overcome [obstacle].
See lessAfter becoming the sole survivor of his adventuring party a barbarian now protects the town’s children by slaying the monsters under their beds. But when a rise in monster attacks threatens everyone, he must overcome his survivor’s guilt and PTSD to save the town.
You might have to explain better where the PTSD comes from, but it's okay since we see who the protagonist is, what he does, the threat and his target. I would make it shorter.
You might have to explain better where the PTSD comes from, but it’s okay since we see who the protagonist is, what he does, the threat and his target. I would make it shorter.
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