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  1. Posted: April 11, 2018In: Heist

    After his wedding expenditure goes out of budget, a miser accountant decides to recover his expenses by targeting an illiterate-rich client, collecting fees in the name of various tax-saving expenses.

    killloud Penpusher
    Added an answer on April 12, 2018 at 11:06 pm

    but there's no such thing as a negative protagonist Although your second version is better, I agree with Nir. It's still un-cinematic.

    but there’s no such thing as a negative protagonist

    Although your second version is better,
    I agree with Nir. It’s still un-cinematic.

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  2. Posted: February 3, 2018In: Heist

    When the end of an abusive relationship sends an isolated college student reeling, she struggles to regain confidence by participating in a legendary campus tradition: stealing the hands from the campus clocktower.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 5, 2018 at 2:05 am

    As Foxtrot25 said and as I previously noted, I don't think the story gels for the logline as currently written.? The inciting causes feel incongruous to the resulting action.However....It has occurs to me that there seems to be a pattern of? omission in? "coming of age"and "young adult" themed logliRead more

    As Foxtrot25 said and as I previously noted, I don’t think the story gels for the logline as currently written.? The inciting causes feel incongruous to the resulting action.

    However….

    It has occurs to me that there seems to be a pattern of? omission in? “coming of age”and “young adult” themed loglines posted here.? The omission pertains to a motivating factor (inciting incident) that triggers the resulting action (objective goal).? It is one of the most potent motivating factors for the way adolescents and young adults behave in real life.

    That motivation is peer pressure, the need to fit in , to belong to the group.? ?No just any group, but the “in” group.

    Well, writing is such a lonely occupation. And writers tend to be outsiders, observers of pack behavior rather than insiders, participants.? (Or is it just me? Okay, it’s just me.)??

    Which is a preamble to a suggested inciting incident for the heist that I would buy into as perfectly plausible and possible:

    She desperately wants to join the “in” sorority.? (Maybe the same one her social climbing mother joined — or desperately wanted to join — but didn’t .)

    And the traditional initiation rite is some ridiculous, outrageous prank.? The sorority is legendary for it’s initiation pranks.? And this year’s initiation prank is the topper, the heist.? She must overcome her innate timidity, her fear of taking risks? (and fear of heights) and participate in the heist to get in.

    (Of course, her real subjective need is to take a constructive risk in love, in relationship, or choice of major.? Whatever, the subjective need is to be worked out in the script, not outlined in the logline.)

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: January 4, 2018In: Heist

    Upon learning that the bank contains entire life savings of his village elders, a stooge decides to change his ways in the middle of a robbery only to realize it’s not gonna be easy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 5, 2018 at 3:22 am

    Also I suggest the protagonist needs a compelling motive for having participated in the robbery in the first place.? (As in the classic heist-gone-wrong film "Dog Day Afternoon".? The Al Pacino character wants the money so his male lover can undergo a sex change operation.? ?The movie was based on aRead more

    Also I suggest the protagonist needs a compelling motive for having participated in the robbery in the first place.? (As in the classic heist-gone-wrong film “Dog Day Afternoon”.? The Al Pacino character wants the money so his male lover can undergo a sex change operation.? ?The movie was based on an actual bank robbery gone wrong and very conflicted main character, btw.)

    IOW:? create a dilemma between what he wants (money) and what he needs (ethics).

    fwiw

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