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2ND DRAFT… The idyllic life of an adolescent surfer is upended when his family moves to pre-revolution Tehran, a virtual melting pot of American expats submerged in an alien culture where certain realities are but an illusion.
This isn't really a logline. It's simply a setup. Check out the "Our formula" tab for help with formatting. In future, if you could also just post one version of a logline and allow feedback and then keep revisions within that initial post that would be great. It allows users to follow the evolutionRead more
This isn’t really a logline. It’s simply a setup. Check out the “Our formula” tab for help with formatting.
In future, if you could also just post one version of a logline and allow feedback and then keep revisions within that initial post that would be great. It allows users to follow the evolution of an logline.
Why does it matter that he’s a surfer? What is this character’s goal? It needs to be tied to the inciting incident (in this case, moving to Tehran). What is actually happening to this character? Where is the conflict?
See lessA World War II British Army nurse gives up non-combatant status to sabotage her German captors? ambush of a British patrol, which leads her towards overcoming fears, superstitions & desire for safety in her increasingly dangerous world.
Agree with Richiev. There's a lot of information in here that isn't necessary to a logline and you're missing some that is. I've gotta ask as well... if she's been captured, how is she going to be able to do much at all? Everything after "patrol" is unnecessary in a logline - she's a nurse on the coRead more
Agree with Richiev.
There’s a lot of information in here that isn’t necessary to a logline and you’re missing some that is. I’ve gotta ask as well… if she’s been captured, how is she going to be able to do much at all?
Everything after “patrol” is unnecessary in a logline – she’s a nurse on the continent during WWII… the world is about as dangerous as it gets so her desire for safety and her fears are all pretty much a given. What we do need though is a more visual description of what she’s actually going to do and how. Tell us more about her too. Give her a characteristic that suggests her emotional journey.
Hope this helps.
See lessA poetic journey along the traces of the desire for illusion and escapism anticipating the current reality shifts in the US.
Agreed with all the above comments. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more information about how to construct a logline. Don't let the word "formula' scare you, it's only intended to help you put all your ideas into a cohesive description of the story.
Agreed with all the above comments. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information about how to construct a logline. Don’t let the word “formula’ scare you, it’s only intended to help you put all your ideas into a cohesive description of the story.
See less