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EDITED: When a government experiment goes awry, a docile housewife teams up with an ambitious genetic engineer to defend New York City from the man-eating children created from her eggs
This is actually kind of awesome.! I have no idea how 'marketable' this is as a movie, but probably has at least some potential as a horror/action type of movie. I hope the script you have in mind goes over the top, as your logline suggests... A couple of suggestions for the logline- 1. Just to clarRead more
This is actually kind of awesome.! I have no idea how ‘marketable’ this is as a movie, but probably has at least some potential as a horror/action type of movie. I hope the script you have in mind goes over the top, as your logline suggests…
A couple of suggestions for the logline-
1. Just to clarify, I would add something like this to the beginning- “When an experiment to cure cancer goes awry,” (or whatever the original goal of her research was.)
See less2. Instead of teaming up with the armed forces, change that to the main character that assists her, and then characterize that person with an appropriate adjective. Having an interesting combo will add further interest to your story.
3. An adjective to describe your genetic engineer- is she inexperienced or young, or older, or impulsive, etc.?
When a guy finds the courage for a routine procedure that goes wrong, he must fight inner demons or become another unwilling donor in a human chop shop.
"a guy" -- Too vague. "routine procedure" -- I disagree with Richiev here...we don't need to know what the procedure is, it's just going to add more words and become more of a reason for people to pick this apart. "fight inner demons" -- Makes me think this is a story where we go into his mind whileRead more
“a guy” — Too vague.
“routine procedure” — I disagree with Richiev here…we don’t need to know what the procedure is, it’s just going to add more words and become more of a reason for people to pick this apart.
“fight inner demons” — Makes me think this is a story where we go into his mind while he lays on the operating table, and it turns into a “fantasy” setting. If that’s the case, I’m intrigued. Either way, I think you can find a better way to word it.
“human chop shop” — Calls into question the legitimacy of the hospital/surgeon. It implies that the nightmare-scenario is more than his “inner demons,” which is good, but I feel a disconnect between the two that I can’t really explain.
See lessA paranormal reporter hears rumours that some ghostly activity is happening at her former school. Being a skeptic, she heads out to defraud the rumours, only to discover that there is something eery happening everywhere in the school… except for the Janitor’s Room..
Alas, this is another incomplete logline. ?It is incomplete because it sets up a situation and an inciting incident in the form of a discovery, but it fails to follow through to completion with an objective goal -- what the protagonist must do as a result of her discovery.A logline is not the same aRead more
Alas, this is another incomplete logline. ?It is incomplete because it sets up a situation and an inciting incident in the form of a discovery, but it fails to follow through to completion with an objective goal — what the protagonist must do as a result of her discovery.
A logline is not the same as s movie blurb or teaser where you leave the reader dangling without any clear cut idea of where the story is going. ?A logline targets a different audience, movie makers rather than movie viewers.
The purpose of a blurb is to persuade movie viewers to invest $12-15 and 2 hours of their lives in your story. ?The purpose of a logline is to persuade movie makers to invest millions and 2 or more years of their lives in your story– they have more at stake and want to know more about specific elements: ?a clearly defined protagonist (with a flaw), a clearly defined objective goal, a clearly defined antagonist or obstacle, and serious stakes.
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