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A college student and his girlfriend discovers windows to spy on their neighbors during Christmas only to find out one of them invades their home.
Reading this, there are a few things I'd want clarifying. Firstly, why are they spying? Boredom? Fetish? Are they looking for something specific? Secondly, who invades their home? Why is it important that this person in particular is the invader? Also, it is unclear how and/or the spying and the homRead more
Reading this, there are a few things I’d want clarifying.
See lessFirstly, why are they spying? Boredom? Fetish? Are they looking for something specific?
Secondly, who invades their home? Why is it important that this person in particular is the invader?
Also, it is unclear how and/or the spying and the home invasion are connected?
Finally, what happens when their home is invaded? Do they retaliate? What is the person’s plan when invading?
At this point, this logline reads as an idea for a story, rather than a story distilled to its essence.
Three interwined stories between a group of people surviving the night of terror during Christmas.
What does a night of terror look like? Serial killer, Santa slay, alien probing?
What does a night of terror look like? Serial killer, Santa slay, alien probing?
See lessA disgruntled TV producer participate in a deadly game show at his workplace which is cursed with deadly spirits.
Interesting. Is he 'being on" it? It may sound stronger by saying "participating in". Is the producer cursed or the show? You may want to consider swapping "who" with "which". Sounds interesting.
Interesting. Is he ‘being on” it? It may sound stronger by saying “participating in”. Is the producer cursed or the show? You may want to consider swapping “who” with “which”. Sounds interesting.
See less